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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28752375">and now I’m covered in you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leteel6/pseuds/Leteel6'>Leteel6</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All For The Game - Nora Sakavic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Andrew definitely doesn’t care, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, M/M, Neil Josten as Nathaniel Wesninski, Neil is still unpredictable, dark themes, the foxes support Andrew, there’s a brief mention of weed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:55:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28752375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leteel6/pseuds/Leteel6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years ago, Neil Josten disappeared from the foxes lives and they didn’t think they would ever see him again. </p><p>Neil, however, has always been nothing if not unpredictable so of course he would show up the week before Christmas with a severe injury and exactly zero answers to any of their questions. </p><p>Andrew is a very tired man.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>260</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have no idea what this is. This damn series has become deep-rooted in my brain and i have no idea how to get it out. This was only written because I couldn’t get the idea of Neil with tattoos out of my head, so make of that what you will. </p><p>Also, I made a Twitter account for this if anyone is interested: @leteel</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was seven o'clock in the evening when Andrew's phone began to ring, which in itself should have warned him that something was askew. It was a Wednesday, mid-December and anyone who would be brave enough to disturb him that late in a winter evening he had seen a few hours previous. </p><p>His phone lay on the bedside table, bleeping incessantly. Andrew eyed the object from under the heap of blankets he was bundled under and narrowed his eyes peevishly. South Carolina wasn't known for its cold winters and, certainly in contrast to Boston it wasn't half as bad, but Andrew had always run cold, and he loathed the thought of leaving the warm bed he was curled in to see who was bothering to annoy him. </p><p>He was in Palmetto half for necessity and half for the comfort that came with routine. Every year, the week before Christmas, the foxes all gathered at Wymack and Abbies house for an early celebration. Attendance wasn't optional, much to Andrews dismay, but he'd found himself growing less resistant to it over the years. Five years since he had graduated and the dinners had begun and, though he'd never admit it out loud, his old teammates had actually grown on him- that is, that he no longer felt the urge to violently murder them. Most days.</p><p>Other than the foxes, few people bothered to ring Andrew other than his coach and agent. Both had been given specific instructions not to contact him over the holidays, and they generally tended to respect his wishes if they wanted to insure he didn't make their lives hell.</p><p>Curiosity stirred, and he let out a resigned groan, pushing the blankets off the bed with more force than necessary and stomping the short distance to where his phone lay. Childish, perhaps, but he certainly wasn't above such things.</p><p>His already sour mood took a sharp turn for the worst when he saw the caller ID. If it had been Bee, maybe even Aaron or Nicky, he could have at least tried to fake pleasantries- but this? He hit the answer button. </p><p>"Wilds. Whatever it is, I can't stress how little I give a shit. If someone has up and died, text me funeral arrangements. Goodbye." </p><p>"No, Andrew, wait-" </p><p>He hung up. Less than a second later, it rang again. </p><p>"I'm turning this damn device off, go bother-"</p><p>"Andrew. You need to get to Wymacks."</p><p>One of the things Andrew respected most about Dan Wilds was the fact that she faced life unflinchingly. Not much seemed to perturb her and, if it did, she simply took it on the chin and moved forward. Perhaps this is why he didn't hang up again. There was a tremor in the woman's voice that he was not accustomed to. </p><p>"What is it." His voice was flat, no infliction at the end to voice a question. </p><p>"It's- shit. Just get here Andrew. It's Neil, he's back."</p><p>Andrew stilled. Static filled his head and he willed himself to end the call before he could release a sharp intake of breath, throwing the phone onto the table and stumbling back a few steps. </p><p>Neil Josten. A name he hadn't heard uttered in his presence in five years. The last time he'd seen the other man had been at their spot on the roof, frost on the ground and a deep sadness in his impossibly blue eyes. He had been telling Andrew goodbye, spinning lies and vague excuses together in odd attempt to placate. Andrew hadn't really cared either way. His insides had felt as frigid as the night air surrounding them, and he had left Neil there, welcoming back his normal state of emotional detachment. </p><p>It had become apparent quickly to the other foxes that Neil was gone. Within a few hours of him telling Andrew goodbye they had found his drawers had been emptied and his beloved duffle bag was nowhere to be found. Andrew didn't know why the seemed so surprised; Neil had always been a pipe dream, a flighty one that spooked easily at that. Andrew was only surprised he hadn't left sooner. </p><p>Curiosity stirred within him. He searched his memory for any sign of panic in Dan's voice when they had spoken and though she had sounded strained, he didn't think Neil was in any serious peril. Releasing a breath he hadn't realised he was holding, Andrew grabbed his car keys and his phone. He scowled when he remembered he was still in his pyjamas and contemplated the merits of letting the foxes make fun of him if it meant getting to Neil quicker.</p><p>He froze at his train of thought and the scowl turned deeper. No, no. That was not the way this was going down. Neil had left them, for gods sake and Andrew was not about to let himself be pulled back into his old ways. The other man was none of his concern any more; the only reason he was even bothering to waste his time with this entire situation was because of some misplaced nostalgia, that was all.</p><p>He took his time getting dressed and if he actually stuck to the speed limit for once, that was no ones business but his.</p><p>When he pulled up to Wymack and Abbys, he was pleased- if not a little surprised- to see that everyone's cars were already there, including Aaron's. Odd considering his brother wasn't too keen that he so much as had to share a planet with Josten, Andrew had assumed he wouldn't have cared enough to even show up. Still, if even Aaron was here before him he'd obviously left enough time between the phone call and his arrival to show how little he thought he needed to be there. </p><p>He grimaced at the eagerness of the thought. Things really were better when he wasn’t more in touch with his emotions. Growing as a person hadn’t done him many favours. </p><p>Andrew took a deep breath and tried to brace himself for whatever awaited him in Wymack and Abbys house. If there was one thing he was certain of, the man he was about to meet was a stranger. He was under no illusions that Neil didn’t leave the only family he has ever known- the damn stickball sport he was so obsessed with- unless he was under some sort of duress. </p><p>He had always known this, but it still didn’t matter. When Neil had told him goodbye, he had accepted it. He had accepted it because he had realised at that moment that there would always be a reason for the other man to leave him; no matter Andrews assurances that he would keep them all safe, Neil Josten had always found a reason to leave. He had accepted it because he wasn’t the type of man to make someone stay when they had the call of the wilderness in their blood.</p><p> So, Andrew had let him go. The only thing that he hadn’t bet on was Neil coming back again.</p><p>Just as he was about to reach for the door, it flew open. His brother stared at him in shock, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Andrew took him in and felt his insides turn cold at the blood coating his arms, hands and the unfortunate white t-shirt he was wearing. He knew it wasn’t Aaron’s blood, had seen him like that many times before when he’s been assisting Abby with patching somebody up. Never had there been so much blood. </p><p>“Whose?” His voice was ice.</p><p>Aaron faltered and his face twisted. He gestured to his bloody arms. </p><p> “Andrew, it looks worse than it-“</p><p>He didn’t let his brother finish, storming past him and into the house. 

Aaron let out an exasperated sound from behind him, and it was followed up by an impressive string of curse words that Andrew would have been impressed with in any other circumstance. As it was, he was too preoccupied with finding the eternal source of his premature ageing to commend his brothers potty mouth and charged through the house with all the elegance of a bull in a china shop.</p><p>He heard voices coming from the living room and followed in the same direction, </p><p>“-as best as we can Neil, but I still think you should go to an emergency room.”</p><p>“No. No hospi-“</p><p>The voices cut short when Andrew threw open the door. It hit the wall with an almighty thunk, and Andrew knew that Wymack was barely restraining his complaints about the plastering. Barely restraining them because there, seated on the familiar sofa that Andrew himself had begun to grow so comfortable in over the last five years, was no other than Neil Abram Josten, himself. </p><p>The other man was laid out gingerly, clearly in a lot of pain if his stiff posture was anything to go by. His blue eyes were wide with surprise as he gazed back at him and Andrew took in his too-pale complexion and surmised that Aaron should probably re-think his profession if he thought Neil ‘didn’t look that bad’. 

Out of habit, his eyes instantly began to scan Neil’s body for inventory of injuries, and he tried his best to keep a steady expression when he found the source of all the commotion. </p><p>His entire lower body was wrapped in clean bandages, so Andrew couldn’t see the full extent of the damage, but he was perfectly capable of seeing the vast amounts of blood soaked furniture and medical equipment to quarry a guess. His eyes lingered on the steel medical bowl on the coffee table that housed a small bullet, covered in blood. His stomach twisted into knots. </p><p>The air seemed to leave the room. Andrew’s eyes roamed up Neil’s body once more, eager to see the familiar expanse of ruined skin to remind himself that the other man had survived worse. Instead, he found himself looking at a strangers skin. Ink wrapped around his arms and chest instead, black vines that seemed to tighten around Andrew’s own throat. He followed the path of where the scars of his road-rash used to be and instead found himself taking in twines of ivy that twisted an intentional path up Neil’s body and stopped just short of his chest. And there, over his heart, lay a key. Andrew’s own heart was suddenly beating a little too hard. </p><p>Hazel eyes met blue. Andrew had so many questions, so many accusations he wanted to hurl at Neil but instead he found himself settling with;</p><p>“Is that weed I can smell?”</p><p>Sniggers erupted around the room and only then did Andrew take in the surrounding others. The thought perturbed him for a moment. It was ingrained in him, after all, to always scan a room and be sure of who he was up against. Somehow the shock of seeing Neil again and perhaps the familiarity of the other people in the room had screwed with his instincts. </p><p>Nicky was beside him instantly and offered him a strained smile. He must have ridden with Aaron because Andrew was positive he hadn’t seen his rental in the drive. Nicky lifted his hand and looked at Andrew with some hesitance, to which he nodded. His cousins hand settled lightly on his shoulder and gave a small squeeze. </p><p>“It’s for medicinal purposes apparently. Shocker, huh?” Nicky’s voice was trying for light, but his eyes were much too dark to pull it off. </p><p>Andrew frowned. He turned his head slightly and noticed that the foxes were all standing some ways behind him, almost in a V formation. They all looked tense, and he noticed that nobody was staring at Neil with the old fondness that they had once held towards him. Even Boyd looked on the defence, glancing back and forth between Neil and Andrew with a slight furrow in his brow. </p><p>Oh, for fucks sake. A bunch of old hens, that's what they were. Andrew barely suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at their childish antics. </p><p>“Ah, speaking of which-“</p><p>He looked back at Neil, who had been watching the others with a complicated expression on his face. It almost looked like approval. It definitely looked like sadness. Andrew was confused. </p><p>Neil reached out a blind hand towards the coffee table and let out a triumphant huff when his fingers made purchase with what he was looking for. Abby glared at him.</p><p>“I don’t agree with this. We have pain relief, Neil. Something that will actually help ease the fact that you’ve been-“</p><p>Neil cut her off with a short gesture and a small smile.</p><p>“I appreciate the offer, Abby, I do. The stuff you have is too strong, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Andrew just about managed to stop his startle when he heard Neil’s voice. It wasn't the accent he was used to hearing from him, instead a mixture between what he had known and a distinctively British drawl. It was disconcerting, to say the least. Like Neil was trying to remember the accent that he had once used when he was around them, but was failing to hide his new roots. </p><p>Wymack heaved a long-suffering sigh when Neil gestured for a lighter and threw one at him, none too gently. He glared at Neil lit up.</p><p>“So you ran away from the chance to be a pro-Exy player to become a stoner, Josten? Not one of your smarter moves.”</p><p>Neil inhaled carefully, before letting out a small laugh. Andrew followed the movement of the smoke that left his lungs. </p><p>“Not to worry, Coach. I’m a very occasional smoker- dire circumstances only.”</p><p>“And getting shot is considered only one of them?” Allison piped up from somewhere behind Andrew’s left shoulder.</p><p>Her voice was hard and everyone in the room knew that she must have been thinking about Seth. Neil winced slightly and didn’t look at her as he considered his words, but instead at the joint in his hands. He lowered it slightly, so it was out of view, before lifting his head and looking her directly in the eyes. </p><p>“Correct.”</p><p>Allison snorted derisively and attempted to move forward, but Renee stopped her with a quick squeeze of the hand that she was clutching onto. A silent conversation seemed to pass between the two and Allison’s shoulders eased some of the tension she was holding. Renee dropped her hand and came to stand beside Andrew, a few inches shy of touching. </p><p>“It’s good to see you, Neil. I’m glad you’re well.” </p><p>Neil watched her, obviously amused. Long gone was the boy who used to shy away from Renee’s gaze, always knowing there was something darker hiding behind her new life. Now he faced her full on and his eyes never wavered from her intense stare. </p><p>“You too, Renee. It’s good to see all of you. I didn’t think it would ever happen again.”</p><p>Another snort, this time from the doorway. They all turned in time to see Aaron coming in, thankfully a lot less covered in Neils blood than he had been the last time Andrew had seen him. Their eyes met briefly and Andrew could see that his brother was about to release hell. He shook his head. Aaron rolled his eyes heavenward, but nodded anyway. </p><p>“Okay, I’m just going to say it because nobody else is clearly going to: What the fuck, Neil?” Boyd says. “You disappear for five years and then just land up at Wymack and Abbys house with a gunshot wound and no excuses? No explanations? I'm sorry, but fuck that.” </p><p>Boyd’s anger was a fierce thing. It had taken Andrew years of therapy to take himself out of his head when it came to losing Neil and realise that everyone else had taken to him in their own right. Matt had considered Neil his best friend and the hurt and anger that was radiating in waves from him at that moment demonstrated just how upset he had been- still was, clearly- at Neil’s abandonment. Neil looked stricken. </p><p>Dans arm wound around Matt’s waist and when Andrew looked at them, all he could see was a united force. There would be no easy forgiveness there. In fact, looking around the entire room he could see nothing but trepidation and fury coming from anyone- except for Kevin. He stood to the back of the cluster, looking oddly closed off for someone who was normally so opinionated.  </p><p>Neil’s mouth opened. Closed again. The silence stretched infinitely. Andrew thought he might just resort to his old ways and set something on fire, just for something to distract everyone. </p><p>Neil considered the burning out joint between his fingers before taking one last puff. He went as though to lean over and put it into the ashtray that Andrew hadn't seen in years, but Abby let out an irritated huff and plucked it from his fingers before stubbing it out herself. It was an odd sight. Neil gave her a grateful nod and sighed. </p><p>He looked between everyone in the room, making eye contact. Andrew felt his breath shudder to a stop when they locked eyes and willed himself to keep his expression blank. Neil’s eyes burnt into him for a moment longer, before returning to Boyd. </p><p>“I’m not going to pretend I can give you all an explanation because I can’t. Showing up here tonight-“ he made a vague gesture towards everyone. “It wasn’t planned. I was in the neighbourhood and things happened that I can’t talk about. I never wanted to upset anyone, I just knew I couldn’t go to a hospital and this is the only other place I felt safe.”</p><p>Everyone seemed to open their mouths at once, but Neil cut them off with another gesture. </p><p>“This wasn’t okay, I know that. Neither was leaving you all without an explanation. I get that you’re angry with me- I want you to be angry at me. You deserve that much, but is leaving you without a word any easier than you seeing me like this and having no explanation as to why?” </p><p>“Why can’t there be an explanation, Neil? We stood by you and never flinched about anything involving The Butcher. Why would whatever you’re involved in now be any different?” Dan’s voice was steady, but Andrew could see the quiver that went through her. Boyd’s arm wrapped tighter around her waist. </p><p>Neil looked shattered. He took everyone in like he was seeing them for the very last time- everyone apart from Andrew. He wouldn’t make eye contact with him again, settling instead with somewhere mid-chest. </p><p>Again, he seemed lost for words. Quite the feat for someone who had been so unspoken for a good portion of their life. It was unsettling.</p><p>Andrew felt something build in his chest. He remembered the night that Neil had left, remembered the dissatisfying goodbye and knowing with certainty that this beguiling boy was always going to need more than what he could offer- in honesty, he’d always known it. The rest of the Foxes, however, had always welcomed him in as a new stray and never questioned that it wouldn’t be forever. They had let him in, and he hadn’t even permitted them his lame apologises on the night. Now, they deserved the truth. </p><p>“You look at them, and you give them a straight answer.” His voice sounded rough from missuse, and he fought the urge to clear it. “You give them that at least, or you leave now.”</p><p>Silence. Neil’s eyes met Andrew’s once more and the all-consuming sadness that lingered in their depths threatened to drown him. Neil wet his lips and a sharp, humourless bark of laughter escaped him. </p><p>“You have no idea how much I wish it could be that straight-forward. Not everything in life is black and white, Andrew. I literally get tension headaches these days from the amount of grey areas there are.” He looked bone-weary and drained. </p><p>“Then leave. Boyd is right, you can’t just drop out of the sky after five years and expect them not to want answers.”</p><p>“Coming here wasn’t intentional; getting shot wasn’t on my to-do list today, believe it or not. I also never once said I didn’t expect questions, only that I couldn’t answer them.”</p><p>“You’re talking in circles, rabbit. I ran out of patience for your deflections years ago.” </p><p>Andrew tried to keep his voice blank, but it was hard to miss the scathing quality to it. The heat that had been slowly building in his chest was threatening to bubble over the surface, and it took him a moment to realise that he was absolutely furious. Years of resentment towards Neil was rushing to the surface all at once, fuelled by the other mans avoidance.</p><p>How dare he stare back at him so defiantly, laid out on the couch that Andrew himself had helped carry into this house when he had assisted Wymack and Abby’s move. All the foxes had been there to lend a hand, had earned their right to call this place a sanctuary of sorts.  Neil hadn’t. He had missed out on years of celebrations, of hardships, yet there he sat confidently as though he _belonged_there. He could have, once upon a time, but he had chosen his path, and it wasn't with them. </p><p>Everyone in the room seemed to catch onto Andrew’s murderous energy quickly, and he could almost feel their anxiety, like it was a palpable thing. Nicky still had his hand on Andrew’s shoulder and give it a small warning squeeze. Andrew glared and brushed him off. Beside Nicky, Aaron gave him a look that clearly said it’s not worth it. Andrew wanted to tell him where he could shove his opinion, but before he- or indeed anyone of the other tense statues situated behind him- could speak, Wymack’s phone began ringing shrilly. The sound of it was the equivalent of ice water being dumped over the group, and they all started, all apart from Neil who had seemed wholly unmoved by the entire scene. </p><p>Even now it appeared he wasn’t afraid of Andrew’s wrath. The notion made him damn near homicidal. </p><p>Wymack cleared his throat and gave them all a stern glare before turning on his heel to answer the phone in the other room. </p><p>Abby cleared her throat and shifted awkwardly. She tried for a mild smile. </p><p>“Anyone want some tea?” </p><p>She was met with blank stares. Outside, the wind began to pick up and the splatter of rainfall against the window was the only sound that filled the room. Everyone was at a loss for words, even Allison appearing to look unnerved. Renee had returned to her side once more and ghosted a quick brush of fingers across her back. Andrew watched Neil follow the movement and his features twitched into something akin to curiosity. </p><p>When Wymack returned to the room his face resembled that of a thundercloud personified. He eyed Neil stonily and crossed his arms over his chest. </p><p>“I’ve been informed that there’s a car in my drive right now that is waiting on a ‘Nathaniel Hartford’. Name ringing any bells, kid?”</p><p>Neil’s face shuttered. He closed his eyes briefly and let out a small groan, before springing into action. Abby didn’t have the chance to so much as scold him and he was up and off the couch, wincing only slightly as he pulled a t-shirt that had been sitting on the coffee table on that was about four sizes too big and most definitely one of Wymacks. His coat was next and Andrew didn't’ miss the way he patted down his pockets. He was obviously armed and Andrew couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been checked for weapons as soon as was brought in. Sentimental fools.</p><p>“I have to go. Thank you for your help, I-“</p><p>Neil paused for a moment and looked around the room. Even though he now wore an expression of neutrality like a sheet of armour, Andrew could see the despair blatant in his eyes. He took in every person around him with an air of desperation that made Andrew’s stomach curl. He had a feeling that Neil wasn’t planning on making another visit. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I really am. This wasn’t the way I wanted things to be and if I could change it, if there was some different decision I could have made that would have allowed me to stay, believe me I would have made it. I would have always chosen you.”</p><p>Neil looked at Andrew. Though the words were meant for everyone, the implications towards Andrew was clear. And perhaps if this had been a few years ago it would have meant something more, maybe it would have softened Andrew’s resolve slightly, but the fact of the matter remained. Neil- Nathaniel- had left them behind, knowing the hurt it would cause. Even after years of telling Neil that there was nothing between them, that he hated him, the other man had always known better. </p><p>And he had still left. </p><p>Andrew felt his lips turn upward, and he knew the smile on his face was reminiscent of the manic induced grin from his medicated days. Neil flinched. </p><p>“Run away now, Rabbit. Who knows how close the wolves are at this point, hmm?”</p><p>And, well. The patchwork may look different, but Neil’s instinct for survival had always triumphed over his sentimental streak. He stared at Andrew for a moment longer before nodding and turning towards the exit.</p><p> Surprisingly, it was Kevin who made the only move to stop him. He stepped in Neil’s path and stared the other man down, blocking him when he made an aborted move to get past. When Neil realised that Kevin wasn’t going to allow him to exit, he let out a resigned sigh and crossed his arms over his chest. </p><p>“Something you need, Kevin?” </p><p>Kevin considered him for a moment, frowning. Andrew knew what he was thinking; 

You could have been court. 

He knew this because the one and only time Kevin had spoken to Andrew about Neil after he had left was to say those very words. Since then; radio silence. It was a blessing in a sense, since the others had, had plenty to say on the matter even years later, but Andrew would be lying if he said it didn’t set off some sort of alarm bells in his head when Kevin had gone as silent on the subject of Neil as he, himself had. </p><p>“Ichirou. Does he know you're here?” Kevin looked pointedly at Neil’s stomach. </p><p>Neil snorted. </p><p>“Ichirou is the reason I’m here. Not many places I can go without him finding me.” He sounded bitter. </p><p>Kevin looked surprised. He chewed over what Neil had told him for a moment before nodding.</p><p>“Jean has heard of whispers that another Butcher is on the rise. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”</p><p>“Jean should know better by now than to listen to rumours coming from the main branch. He should also know better than to spread them.”</p><p>The warning in Neil’s words were clear. Kevin shot him a scathing glare in response, before sniffing in disgust and stepping out of his way. Neil straightened his shoulders and gave him a curt nod. He glanced over back at the others for one last lingering moment, before walking away. </p><p>And then he was gone. Again. </p><p>There was the resounding slam of a car door and then an engine started up. Everyone stayed silent as they listened to the car speed away. The trickle of rain against the window was the only sound for a moment, but Andrew knew the quiet wouldn’t last. It never did when it came to The Foxes. He was proved right, of course, when a moment later Wymack spoke. He sounded like he’d aged ten years. </p><p>“Well, fuck.” He said.</p><p>Andrew couldn’t have agreed more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nathaniel Hartford was in desperate need of a cigarette. </p><p>“-And so, I just put my foot down. I told him, uncle, I'm not interested in any off that crap. I don't want to get married or have babies and, shit, it's not like I'm even in the best job description for any of that to even happen-“ </p><p>Palmetto coffee shop was as busy as ever. The building was filled with customers for both sitting in and taking out and the staff seemed to be rushed off their feet. Nathaniel felt something akin to sympathy as he watched them rally around, fake smiles stretched across their faces as they dealt with complaints about the wrong almond milk being used in orders and prices being too high. Indie music floated through the speakers, just loud enough to help block out the insistent tap-tapping of laptop keyboards surround his table. </p><p>Despite the annoying clientele and bustling environment, Nathaniel had always like the coffee shop. Maybe it was the bright splashes of orange starbursts covering the walls at random, reminding him of better times. Of easier times. Or maybe it was just that being here, he could almost imagine what it felt like to be a sleep-deprived collage student again; uncertain of his future, stressed, but happier than he had ever been. His black coffee held the bitter taste of nostalgia. </p><p>“Nate. Are you even listening to me?” </p><p>Nathaniel blinked. Across from him, a woman with short black hair and a forlorn expression glowered at him. </p><p>“I'm going to start ending our days with a pop quiz about what we've talked about. Whoever loses has to be stuck with Evan’s training for the week.” </p><p>That got his attention. Nathaniel scowled and took a long slurp of coffee. </p><p>“If you don't want Stuart interfering in your business, just tell him straight up to piss off. You're always floating around the subject in an attempt to save people's feelings. Tell him firmly to fuck off once, you'll not have to do it a second time.” He shrugged.  “And as for Evan, definitely not. I'd rather swim shark infested waters than spend more than ten minutes with that little prick.” </p><p>The other woman laughed. Nathaniel studied her for a few moments, and he noticed that her eyes looked drawn and tired, her normally bright complexion dull. She looked sad in a way that people normally do when they're trying to seem the opposite. </p><p>“Ash. Do you want me to talk to Stuart? If he's being too pushy, you know I have no problem putting him in his place.” </p><p>Stuart was many things, but understanding wasn't generally among them. Nathaniel had learned over the years that if he hissed and dug his claws into the ground long enough, the other man eventually left him alone. </p><p>Ashley, however, was his only niece and since her father had died two years before he'd become almost unbearably protective over the girl. His latest mission was to get her to give up her active job status in the family and settle down. Ashley wasn't on board with it, but she also didn't want to hurt her uncle. Apparently, it was preferable to give Nathaniel stress migraines as he had to listen about it 24/7. </p><p>Ashley sighed and let her cheek fall against her palm. “No, it's fine. You're way too outspoken on matters like this anyway, and you're in enough trouble as it is.” </p><p>At that, Nathaniel barely managed to hide his wince. Trouble wasn't a sufficient word to describe the hell he was going to catch when his uncle caught up to him. Still, as he recalled the image of tousled blonde hair and fire-filled hazel eyes he couldn't bring himself to regret it. </p><p>Nathaniel sent her a wry grin. “Every family has a black sheep.”</p><p>She sighed. “They're not normally self-appointed. You could just as easily be the golden boy if you'd only do what you're told.”</p><p>She sounded disappointed. As a rule, Nathaniel didn't like to disappoint his cousin. They had been fast friends from the first week he had moved to London; he had been sullen and depressed after learning his new fate and having to leave his family behind, and she had been frustrated by the boundaries that had been set on her career prospects due to her gender. They had raged together about the unfairness of their lives and struck an unlikely bond. Stuart hated it. </p><p>“You know I'm trying.” He reminded her quietly, “It wasn't planned.”</p><p>Ash gave him a sad stare in response and busied herself with stirring her tea. He had tried to warn her that tea in America would be a let down, but she insisted anyway. The disgusted curl of her lip as she sipped on it nearly made Nathaniel's own twist with amusement. </p><p>“Planned or not, the family isn't going to be amused. I know it wasn’t intentional, but the others aren’t going to see it that way.”</p><p>Nathaniel snorted. “Do they really think that I’m psychotic enough to get shot on purpose? Even better, maybe they’ve deluded themselves into thinking that I shot myself. At least then they would have no accountability.”</p><p>Ash winced and looked away. No matter how angry they were at him, facts were facts and if Nathaniel hadn’t had been given the wrong numbers, he wouldn’t have had to even contact Wymack in the first place. </p><p>“Jared feels awful, Nate. Don’t antagonise this.”</p><p>“Oh, sure. You’re not the one with a gunshot wound.”</p><p>“Melodramatic fool. You’ve had much worse and dealt with it far better.”</p><p>“Semantics. If that guy had even been a half decent aim, the outcome could have been a lot worse.”</p><p>They both knew this already. It had been in point-blank range and Nathaniel was lucky it had been a wet behind the ears kid that had shot at him and not one of the more experienced gang members. As it were, they had already been taken care of and the kid had slipped between the cracks of their intel as Nathaniel had been tying up his last loose ends. He wasn’t above admitting that he had been panicked when he dialled in Wymack’s number from sheer memory and demanded an address. </p><p>Now he was sitting in a coffee shop that was filled with memories of a different life, waiting for a bolloxing. He truly led a charmed life. </p><p>“How are you feeling? You know, after seeing them all again?” Ash sounded meek and kept her eyes downcast on her tea. </p><p>Nathaniel paused. He methodically began to tear the napkins in front of him into strips as he considered his reply. </p><p>He recalled the look on The Foxes faces that night. Wymack and Abby had been absolutely horrified when he had stumbled to their front door, blood dripping between his fingers as he had put pressure on the wound. His head had been fuzzy due to blood loss, but he could remember clearly the rekindling of a fire in his chest that had long gone cold. Dan and Matt had been the next to arrive, Allison and Renee and then, to Nathaniel's keen surprise, Aaron and Nicky. Kevin had been next and though his memory was blurry, he could remember that they all looked at him like he was a ghost. He had smoked through the pain of getting the bullet removed, ignoring the protests and huffs of disbelief and when he came through the fog he was no longer being looked at like a ghost, but a stranger. </p><p>Then Andrew had arrived and Nathaniel's heart had stopped, restarted and gone cold again within a two-minute span. </p><p>“I don’t want to talk about it.” He decided.</p><p>Ash nodded and they dropped into a comfortable silence. Nathaniel went back to studying his surroundings. </p><p>He watched as a barista attempted to placate and older blonde lady about her order, assuring her that she would make her another drink. The woman flung her drink across the counter and began to tap long, red nails against the surface. Nathaniel felt a shudder run down his spine as his mind began to associate the blonde hair and sharp red nails with another ghost of his past. He looked away, desperate to find another distraction to capture his attention instead of the continuous thrum-thrum-thrum-</p><p>Nathaniel stilled. Across the way from them, a familiar pair of eyes stared back at him calmly. </p><p>“Be cool.” He whispered. </p><p>Ash looked up at him in bewilderment, before following his stare to the two women who were approaching them. </p><p>“Hello, Neil.” Renee said. She smiled, serene and Nathaniel felt at once uneasy. </p><p>“Hey, Renee. Allison.”</p><p>Allison looked the furthest thing from calm, but Renee’s firm grip on her arm seemed to keep her somewhat composed. She looked between Nathaniel and Ash, and he could recognise the familiar sneer curling her lip- it had just never been used towards him before. </p><p>“Neil. Who’s your girlfriend?”</p><p>Ash blinked, then laughed. Derisively.</p><p> “Oh no, definitely not. I’m Nate’s- Neil’s- cousin. Ashley Hartford. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”</p><p>She held out her hand towards them both. Renee reached out and shook it with a pleasant smile before she turned back to Nathaniel. Allison ignored her completely. Nathaniel would have liked to put it down to the fact that she was holding a tray of takeaway coffee, but he knew the other woman too well. </p><p>“How are you feeling, Neil? We've been worried about you.”</p><p>“I'm fine-“ </p><p>Allison rolled her eyes. </p><p>“-Alright, I'm on the mend. It wasn't anything severe and Abby patched me up well, so I should be back to normal pretty soon.” </p><p>This wasn't necessarily a lie. He hadn't nicked anything vital, but the pain of the wound was still searing. He had been playing it down to the others, so they didn't take him off the job, but he was secretly worried about what his limited mobility would mean if they were in any sort of combat. </p><p>Renee's eyes were piercing as she assessed him. Nathaniel had the uncanny feeling that the other woman could see through his lies and wasn't impressed with them. Before she could say anything else though, Ash’s phone began to ring. </p><p>“Oh, I have to take this. Excuse me.” She stood from the table and flashed a smile at them, steady fast ignoring Allison's chilly glare. “It was lovely to meet you both. Nate, meet me outside when you're done.” </p><p>Nathaniel watched her retreat with a rising sense of desperation. Without Ash there as a buffer, he had a feeling that his old friends weren't going to hold off on him. He was suddenly glad for the steady buzz of noise around him, it helped to keep him grounded. In a place this public there wasn't a lot of their questions that he could answer. </p><p>“Are you staying in town long, Neil?” </p><p>Renee slid into the chair that his cousin had just vacated. She gestured to Allison who reluctantly threw herself into the seat next to her. </p><p>Nathaniel raised an eyebrow at the question. He wasn’t sure if Renee was asking him this as a matter or small talk or risk assessment. Her expression was perfectly calm on the surface, but he knew better than to take it at face value. </p><p>“I’m here for work. As soon as the assignment is finished I’ll probably be heading back to London.”</p><p>“Surely you won’t be working over Christmas?” She asked mildly, plucking one of the cups from the holder and taking a small sip.</p><p>Allison gave her a sharp looked that Renee ignored. Nathaniel narrowed his eyes at them. She was definitely up to something and, whatever it was, it looked like Allison didn’t agree with it. </p><p>“I’ll be working the job as long as needs be. Holidays don’t really play into it, I’m afraid.” He replied carefully. “What about you guys? Are you visiting for long?”</p><p>Renee smiled and Nathaniel had the distinct feeling of being caught in a Venus flytrap. It wasn’t pleasant. Allison gave Renee another pointed looked that she ignored, before recognising a losing battle for what it was and pulling her phone out in defeat. </p><p>“We all normally spend the week before Christmas together and then go our ways for the actual day. None of us have any prior engagements this year though, so we decided to extend it a week and stay together for it.” She replied. </p><p>Nathaniel nodded politely, trying his hardest to ignore the wave of longing that washed over him at Renee's words. He missed spending Christmas with the foxes fiercely, something that taken him completely by surprise the first year he’d spent it without them. He had been horribly home-sick, haunting the corners of his family’s Christmas party and feeling completely miss-placed among the people who were introducing themselves as his aunts, uncles and cousins. </p><p>The foxes had been the people who had taught him how to celebrate the holidays. Years of mulled wine and terrible Christmas films, of loud conversation around a table of delicious food, of hot-chocolate flavoured kisses under the mistletoe- which had only happened once and was a complete accident, but Nathaniel remembered it fondly either way- had made him begin to realise why people made such a big deal over Christmas. He had always known in the back of his head that it was too good to last. </p><p>“If you’re still in town, and you’re not working, you’re more than welcome to join us for Christmas dinner, Neil.” </p><p>Nathaniel started out of his head at Renee’s words. He stared at her for a moment, trying to gauge whether she was messing with him. The other woman’s face stayed as placid as ever though, smiling at him as she waited for a response. Allison clucked her tongue and stared harder at her phone, but otherwise didn’t react. Nathaniel fumbled. </p><p>“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude-“</p><p>“You wouldn’t be. Abby always makes too much food anyway, as I’m sure you remember.”</p><p>He did. His mouth very nearly watered at the memory of Abby’s cooking. </p><p>“Well I couldn’t leave Ash-“</p><p>“Bring her. The more the merrier!” </p><p>Renee’s smile was taking on a hard edge and Nathaniel was beginning to wonder if he had even had a choice in this to begin with. Desperate, he glanced around the coffee shop but found no inspiration for a new excuse. If anything the overwhelming amount of orange decor and memories that he associate with the building was making it harder to refuse. He glanced at the exit longingly, only to see Ash pop her head through and give him an urgent look. </p><p>“Nate, we have to go. Now.”</p><p>The panic in her voice sent ice down his spine. Nathaniel was out of his seat in a second, throwing his coat on and attempting to hide his wince when his stomach wound twinged unpleasantly. He looked back at Renee and Allison who were sitting ramrod straight and very much alert. He hated that he had to leave them on such a bad note yet again.</p><p>“Look, if I’m still in town I’ll be there.” He promised. A tiny version of Stuart began screaming at him from his shoulder and Nathaniel ignored it as well as he would the real Stuart. </p><p>Renee sent him a sunny smile in return. “You still have my number?”</p><p>“Of course.” He tapped his temple. ‘I’ll call and let you know either way.”</p><p>Renee nodded while Allison continued to look anywhere but Nathaniel. He felt a pang of regret at the other woman's standoffish behaviour, but it’s not like he could blame her. Though Renee was a saint in normal circumstances, it was a miracle that even she was bothering with him after everything he had put them through. </p><p>Ash called his name again sharply. Nathaniel nodded at the two women before turning on his heel and walking as quickly as he could out of the coffee shop. </p><p>Cool air nipped at his skin as he exited the building. The sky was dull and overcast and the number of people milling past him on the street was disorientating. Nathaniel sighed and ran a hand through his already disheveled hair as he gave his cousin a side-stare. </p><p>“I may have just done something stupid.”</p><p>Ash rolled her eyes. “What’s new?”</p><p>She sounded tense, despite the light words. Nathaniel kept his mouth shut as they walked towards their car, almost afraid to wonder what had got her so worked up. He hadn’t seen the caller ID when her phoned had flashed, but from the hard set of her jaw he knew it couldn’t have been anything good. </p><p>They reached the car and Ash gave him a grim tip of the head before jumping in. Nathaniel followed suit and they both sat in silence for a long moment. Then, a deep sigh and- </p><p>“So, um, uncle Stuart’s in town.”</p><p>Nathaniel quirked a brow. Admittedly, that had been quick, but he couldn’t say he was very surprised. Stuart's favourite pastime was ripping Nathaniel a new one and the younger man knew that he would likely jump at the chance to get to berate his poor choices face-to-face. He gestured for Ash to continue. </p><p>“He wants us to go see him. Now.”</p><p>“Okay.” Nathaniel shrugged. He knew he should probably be a bit more concerned about the whole thing, but his head was still spinning from the encounter in the coffee shop. </p><p>“That’s not all.” Ash bit her lip. “Lord Ichirou is there too.”</p><p>Nathaniel felt his blood run cold. He couldn’t tell what expression was on his face, but Ash nodded once in apparent agreement as she took him in before turning and starting up the car. </p><p>“Oh fuck.” He whispered. </p><p>Ash gave him a quick, sympathetic pat to the knee as she pulled out of their parking spot. </p><p>Well, at least he wouldn’t have to make up an excuse as to why he couldn’t make it to Christmas dinner with the foxes. Ichirou was going to kill him before he could even think one up. </p><p>-</p><p>Back at Palmetto coffee shop, Allison Reynolds was glaring daggers into the side of Renee Walkers profile as she took a sip of her over-priced beverage. Her phone buzzed again, and she glanced down at it, rolling her eyes at the messages in the group chat asking if they had been kidnapped heading to get the others' coffee. Allison could only wish. Even that scenario would be easier to explain than the current one they were stuck with, thanks to her girlfriend. </p><p>“I hope you know what you’re doing, Walker.” </p><p>Renee shot her an amused smirk. Normally, it was cute, but today it just irritated Allison. She hated when Renee was cooking up a scheme and wouldn’t let her in on it. That she was hatching one to do with Neil Josten, the mysterious little fuck, was unacceptable. Allison glared harder. </p><p>Renee let out a small laugh and lent forward to take Allisons hand in her own. She pressed a lingering kiss to her knuckles and Allison felt a prickle of heat flood through her. </p><p>“Trust me, Ally. When have I ever been wrong?”</p><p>She had her there. Allison sniffed and pulled her hand away, reaching for the tray of coffee that was no-doubt cold by now. </p><p>“Come on then, we need to get back. I can’t wait to see you explain this to the monster.”</p><p>She lent forward and tugged a strand of Renee's platinum hair before standing. The other woman’s disgruntled groan made the entire trip worth it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For whatever reason this uploaded as a single chapter fic, so this was a little rushed as I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. I’m not sure of the chapter count just yet, but it’s definitely going to be at least ten at the minute. No Andrew in this one, but it will be interesting to see how he reacts to Renee’s news. Hint: I don’t think he’s going to be too happy with her lol. </p><p>Thanks you for the kudos and comments on the last chapter! Hope you enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stuart's face was, indeed, an interesting shade of red when Ash and Nathaniel walked through the door of his hotel suite. He was standing by the bay window, bouncing slightly in place as though the fury he felt was too much to be contained by his body. Nathaniel ducked his head to hide a smirk. </p>
<p>“Where the bloody hell have you two been?” Stuart barked, pinning Nathaniel with a black glare when he noticed his upturned lips.</p>
<p>“You rang twenty minutes ago, uncle Stuart. Given that it’s rush hour out there we’re basically early.”</p>
<p>“Don’t back talk me, Nathaniel. Not right now, you little fuck.” </p>
<p>“Yes sir.” </p>
<p>Stuart stormed across the room towards them. His tie was off, the top button of his expensive dress shirt undone and his dark hair looked like it hand been yanked and pulled by his hands multiple times. When he got closer, Nathaniel could see that his eyes were bloodshot. A hot flush of guilt rushed through him. </p>
<p>“Did you lose my phone number or something, you twit?” </p>
<p>Stuart eyed Nathaniel keenly from where he was leant against the kitchen counter. He examined him from head to toe, nodding to himself slightly before grabbing Nathaniel by the shirt and yanking him into his body roughly. Stuarts hand wrapped around his nape firmly and Nathaniel sighed, forcing himself to relax against his uncles hold as he reached round to pat his back half-heartedly. </p>
<p>“I’m okay, Uncle Stuart. Abby patched me up. I can barely feel it.”</p>
<p>That was a bare-faced lie and everyone knew it. Ash snorted from beside him, jumping up onto the counter and grabbing a clementine from a nearby fruit basket. She peeled it and popped a section into her mouth daintily, ignoring the glare that was shot at her in response. </p>
<p>“What? I'm starving. We never got lunch.”</p>
<p>Nathaniel sighed at her uselessness and gently began to extract himself from his uncles grasp. Stuart stepped back and let out a small huff of his own, gesturing vaguely at the two. </p>
<p>“Help yourself.” He said glumly, “You might as well hear the news on a full stomach.”</p>
<p>Dread filled Nathaniel. He willed himself to hop onto the counter beside Ash and grab a clementine of his own, methodically peeling it without allowing himself to think about what those words might mean. </p>
<p>The suite Stuart was staying in was tasteful and expensive; high ceilings, glossy marble flooring and more abstract paintings than the eye could have time to comprehend. Not Stuart’s normal taste in other words, and he quirked a brow at his uncle in question while gesturing around the room. </p>
<p>“He’s in the shower.” </p>
<p>Ah, well. That would explain why Nathaniel was getting a meal before his execution then. Hopefully, there was unlimited hot water. </p>
<p>“Nate.” Stuart ran a hand through his hair before grabbing a glass half filled with an amber liquid and throwing it back in one swig. “What in the ever-loving fuck were you thinking?” </p>
<p>Nathaniel winced. He really didn’t know how to tackle this question. He had panicked, this was true, but there had been easier, much more accessible options at his disposal than Wymack. The truth of the matter was that he didn’t have any answers behind his motives other than the obvious one: He had wanted to see the foxes. Nathaniel hadn’t lied when he had told everyone that it wasn’t intentional, but they had all known the risks of having him stationed so close to Palmetto for a job. </p>
<p>“I wasn’t.” He replied, eyes down-cast. </p>
<p>Stuart cursed softly and poured himself another drink. Ash rubbed his shoulder and gave him a small, reassuring smile when he had gathered himself enough to look at her. Her face looked grim and Nathaniel had the fleeting hope that Ichirou at least put her out of the room while he tied up his loose ends. </p>
<p>The front door opened, startling them all from their thoughts. Nathaniel’s hand immediately went for his waistband where he had his weapons stored, and he had the hilt of a knife already in his palm and ready to strike when two familiar faces appeared in their line of sight. Nathaniel let out a disgruntled sigh and put his knife away. </p>
<p>“What the fuck are you two doing here?” He asked. </p>
<p>Jared and Alex Hartford blinked at him, non-pulsed, before turning to Stuart. </p>
<p>They were brothers, three years apart in birth, but the resemblances between the two often wound up getting them mistaken for twins. Both had wavy chestnut hair, the same stature of height and build, but it was mostly their eyes that had people confused. The brothers both had heterochromia iridium and the one brown, one blue eye was by far their most striking feature. If it wasn’t for the fact that Alex had a crooked nose from the number of times it had been broken and Jared always wore glasses, it would be near impossible to tell them apart. </p>
<p>As it were, Nathaniel never paid them enough attention for it to be an issue. </p>
<p>“Uncle Stuart called us, Nathaniel. Hard thing for you to wrap your head around, we know.” Jared replied, side eyeing him disdainfully.</p>
<p>Nathaniel rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, Jared. If this is about the earpiece, it wasn’t my fault. It got wrecked from impact when I fell.”</p>
<p>Jared sniffed at him in clear offence and looked away. Being that he was their regular IT nerd and the earpiece had been something he had been working on for a while- and that it was the only prototype of its kind- Nathaniel had been expecting his reaction. Given the fact that it was Jared’s fault he had got shot in the first place though, the man was holding his victim card just a bit too tight. </p>
<p>He opened his mouth to inform of this, but Ash and Alex turned on him with near identical glares. The message in their eyes were clear: shut up or get hit. Nathaniel scowled at them both, but kept his mouth shut anyway. </p>
<p>Stuart was pouring himself a third drink. He eyed them all, bemused and gestured towards the seats in the lounge area. </p>
<p>“Sit down, shut up and stop fighting. Those couches are white satin and if you get blood on them I’ll kill you all myself.”</p>
<p>They retreated to the couches like scolded children. Ash sat in between her two brothers and Nathaniel took a chair in the corner the furthest away from them. He didn’t trust the ugly glances Alex was throwing his way and resisted the urge to flip the bird at the other man, knowing how much it would piss him off. </p>
<p>“I honestly have no idea how you all managed to screw up such a simple clean up job so thoroughly.” </p>
<p>Stuart propped his thigh against one of the chairs, taking another long sip of his drink as he considered them. Nathaniel raised his eyebrows. His uncle wasn’t a lightweight by any means but if he kept drinking at the pace that he was, he wouldn’t see dinner time.  If the glances the other three were exchanging was anything to go by, they were having the same thoughts.</p>
<p>“Where do I even start? The absolute cock up of the intel?”</p>
<p>He spun his glare onto Jared who flinched and stared at the floor.</p>
<p>“The pathetic excuse of a backup team? And on that note does anyone want to explain to me why Nate was in there by himself anyway?” </p>
<p>Alex and Ash looked just as meek as their brother did. Their eyes stayed glued to the floor and a pin drop could have been heard in the room. </p>
<p>Nathaniel cleared his throat. “Ah, that was my doing. It was a small group and the risk seemed minimal. I work quicker when I’m not watching somebody else's back, so I told backup to hang behind.”  </p>
<p>Stuart’s glare could have scorched the earth.  He drained the rest of his drink and set about in search for his cigarettes. </p>
<p>“That was not your call to make. If you’re sent with backup, there’s a reason behind it. Or do you think we just send numbers that could be as equally useful at home for the hell of it, Nathaniel?”</p>
<p>“No, sir.” </p>
<p>“Oh, look. Mild-mannered as they come now, eh? Only took you nearly being killed for it to happen, but what the hell. Complexities Nathaniel, no?” </p>
<p>This was going worse that Nathaniel had imagined. He had known that his uncle would be upset about him involving the foxes, but he had misjudged just how badly he had taken the actual injury itself.  Against his will, images of Baltimore flashed through his mind and Stuart’s horrified face was front and centre of the memories. The other man had been protective over Nathaniel ever since, so he really should have known better than to waltz into this situation thinking it could be smoothed over with a few assurances of good health. </p>
<p>“Uncle Stuart, let me explain-“</p>
<p>“There’ll be no need for that, Nathaniel. I think the situation speaks for itself.” A smooth voice cut in from behind Stuart. </p>
<p>Dread filled Nathaniel as Ichirou stepped forward, shoulder to shoulder with Stuart. His long hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail, and he was wearing a perfectly tailored suit and dress shoes. Nathaniel resisted the urge to glance down at his own threadbare t-shirt and washed out jeans in embarrassment. Over the years he had eventually learned that business with expensive sharks meant looks were important- necessary even. Showing up looking like a street urchin was simply insult to injury. </p>
<p>“My lord.” He stood in a hurry and bowed his head. “I meant no offence.”</p>
<p>Ichirou tilted his head as he considered him, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. If it weren't for the circumstances he had found himself in, Nathaniel would almost think he looked amused. </p>
<p>“Didn’t you? How interesting. Sit.”</p>
<p>Nathaniel sat. From the corner of his eye, he could see the others were also quick to comply.</p>
<p>“Here’s the thing, Nathaniel,” </p>
<p>Ichirou pulled the bottle of whiskey from Stuart’s hands and ignored his annoyed glare. He grabbed a glass from the bar and threw some ice into the bottom, before filling it halfway with amber liquid. Stuart huffed when he held the bottle out of reach and instead handed him a bottle of water with a meaningful look. He turned back to Nathaniel, an eyebrow quirked. </p>
<p>“You’re a nuisance, always have been. You’re stubborn, abrasive and quite frankly unpleasant to deal with. However, despite this, you have been a good addition to this team. You’re diligent in your work, and you follow orders well.”</p>
<p>There was a significant pause and Nathaniel could feel his face begin to burn at the implication. Ichirou seemed unbothered by the uncomfortable silence, taking a small sip of his drink and shrugging. </p>
<p>“Under normal circumstances I would be considering terminating our agreement. Ignoring direct orders is punishable to that decree, wouldn't you agree Nathaniel?”</p>
<p>What a pretty way to disguise an execution. Nathaniel staunched any argument from leaving his lips and instead met Ichirou’s eyes directly before nodding tersely. </p>
<p>“Yes, my lord.”</p>
<p>Ichirou smirked again. He slid into a nearby chair and elegantly crossed one leg over the other, making a vague gesture with his hand. </p>
<p>“And yet, it would seem circumstance has decided to favour you once again. Isn't that curious?”</p>
<p>Nathaniel said nothing. He didn’t have any words At that moment and he could practically feel Ash’s relieved sigh. If the previous two decades of his life hadn't been spent in bloodshed and trauma, he might have been tempted to throw around the word lucky. </p>
<p>“Tell me Nathaniel, how much contact have you had with your beloved foxes recently?” Ichirou asked, seemingly nonchalant.</p>
<p>He stilled instantly, eyes scanning the other mans face. There was nothing on the surface but polite interest, but Nathaniel felt his blood run cold. Ichirou asking questions about the foxes could mean nothing good.</p>
<p>“Only what you already know, my lord. They patched me back up after the, uh, dispute and that's the first time I've seen any of them in five years. I was barely there an hour.”</p>
<p>Ichirou nodded and seemed to consider his words. Ash glanced at Nathaniel with wide eyes, and he shook his head mutely. He knew she was prompting him to speak out about meeting Renee and Allison at the coffee shop, but it wasn't of any consequence. It’s not like he was actually going to go to them for Christmas- he doubted the others would even tolerate his presence for longer than five minutes. </p>
<p>“Well, it would seem we have a problem that needs to be tended to about your people, Nathaniel. As you know, Kevin Day brings a considerable amount of revenue to the main branch.”</p>
<p>Nathaniel frowned, confused, but nodded anyway. </p>
<p>“My lord. Has he been turning down endorsements, or?”</p>
<p>Ichirou sighed. He seemed exasperated as he grabbed a remote from the nearby counter. </p>
<p>“I only wish it could be that straight-forward. Have a look at this.”</p>
<p>The TV turned on. Grainy CCTV footage began to play and Nathaniel frowned, inching forward in his seat as he took in the scene. It looked to be around nine in the evening, the streets practically vacated and his breath caught anxiously in his throat when the unmistakable figure of Kevin Day came into view. His head was down, and he seemed to be busy typing something into his phone, one single plastic bag clutched in his free hand. Kevin was completely oblivious to his surroundings, so he didn't pay any attention to the man who slipped out the alleyway that he had just passed. Nathaniel watched with bated breath as the man pulled his baseball cap tighter over his face and glanced nervously around the street, before reaching for the waistband of his jeans. </p>
<p>“Fuck.” He whispered. </p>
<p>He could do nothing but watch in silent horror as the man pulled out a pistol. Kevin didn't so much as flinch as the safety was clicked off and Nathaniel’s hand twitched with the urge to pop the idiot on the back of the head. He had lost count of the number of times he had shouted at Kevin for blasting music in both earphones when he was outdoors, had drilled the importance of being aware of his surroundings into him for years. Clearly he had taken a lot of notice of his rants. </p>
<p>The man was speeding up his pace and Kevin was still oblivious. Nathaniel’s breathing was bordering on hyperventilating as he watched it unfold, helpless to do anything but watch his friend get murdered. Or, so it seemed. In the last possible moment a gaggle of girls seemingly appeared out of nowhere and bombarded Kevin, obviously Exy fans. Kevin’s head snapped up, startled, and the man behind him seemed to panic. He shoved the gun halfway down his trousers before turning tail and running the opposite direction. </p>
<p>The TV turned off. Nathaniel stared at the blank screen and willed his breathing to settle. </p>
<p>“What,” he gritted out, eyes finding Ichirou. “ In the fuck was that?”</p>
<p>“Your new assignment.” Ichirou replied flatly. </p>
<p>Nathaniel stared at him, dumbfounded. All the surprises of the day seemed to be catching up to him at once and his brain was dangerously close to shutting down.</p>
<p>“This wasn't a one-time thing. I had my people do a sweep on intel around Mr Days events and this man has been spotted on more than one occasion. This is the closest he's come to succeeding in his endeavours and, as you can imagine, I’m not too eager to let him get another opportunity.”</p>
<p>Nathaniel ran a hand through his hair, tugging slightly at the roots. This had to be a dream, all of it. He was going to wake up in London soon and wonder at his over-active subconscious. </p>
<p>“Thing is, kid.” Stuart had a collection of pages in his hand and he approached Nathaniel. He laid them out on the table in front of them and gently pried Nathaniel’s hands from his hair. “Kevin isn't the only one involved. We ran intel on all of your foxes and, well-“</p>
<p>The faceless man was everywhere. In the background of Renee and Allison shopping, watching over Aaron and Katelyn at dinner, in the stands at Wymack and Dan’s coaching and even-</p>
<p>“Oh no.” Nathaniel whispered, leaving forward and inching the photograph closer to him. </p>
<p>There he was, watching as Andrew and Nicky threw back shots in Edens. Nathaniel’s breath stuttered and the page crumpled in his hands. </p>
<p>“Ah, yes. Minyard. If you didn't have orders to take this job on, I’m confident that would be incentive enough.”</p>
<p>A seething rage filled him and Nathaniel barely managed to keep his mouth shut, instead settling his burning gaze on Ichirou mutely. The other man studied him for a moment and a satisfied, shark-like grin took over his face. If not for the fact that he could burn the ground from under anyone that he had ever cared about, Nathaniel would have taken great pleasure in knocking the self-satisfied smile right off his face. </p>
<p>Instead, he cleared his voice and forced himself to calm down. Emotions would do none of them any good, he needed to level-headed and honed in on the situation. </p>
<p>“And just what would this job entail?”</p>
<p>“You and your team are to keep Kevin Day alive, at all costs.” Ichirou replied evenly, smile never slipping.</p>
<p>Nathaniel blinked. Before he could stop it, a startled laugh ripped itself from his chest. </p>
<p>“You want me to be Kevin’s bodyguard?”</p>
<p>“Correct.” </p>
<p>“I mean no disrespect here, my lord, but my job description is literally the opposite of keeping somebody alive. Surely, there are better options available.” He said, unable to keep the incredulous tone out of his voice. </p>
<p>Ash, Alex and Jared all gasped softly. Stuart cursed and looked a millisecond away from face-palming. Ichirou blinked at him and Nathaniel winced as he played his words back silently. </p>
<p>“Not that I’m second guessing your decisions-“</p>
<p>Ichirou made a sharp gesture and Nathaniel wisely shut his mouth. </p>
<p>“You will do as I ask and think better in the future of questioning my motives. The foxes are a closed group, unwilling to let anyone near them since you left. The best option we have to stay close to Kevin without any protests is to have you be the one to do it. You’ve had more than enough training, Nathaniel. This should be child's play for you.”</p>
<p>Nathaniel closed his eyes briefly as Ichirou rose from his chair. He didn't know how to say the words, how to tell him that he had betrayed the foxes, and they weren't going to allow him back in again. He recalled the bitter looks on their faces that night, absently rubbing his fingers against his chest as though he could physically calm the sting in his chest. </p>
<p>“Andrew isn't going to let me anywhere near them. He especially isn't going to trust anything that comes from the Moriyamas. This isn't going to work.”</p>
<p>Ichirou threw his drink back before turning assessing eyes on Nathaniel. He contemplated his words for a moment, before shrugging. </p>
<p>“This is not my concern. You and your team have your orders, so get on with it. Someone will be in touch with you shortly about technicalities of any resources you may need.”</p>
<p>With that, Ichirou seemed to be done with them. He threw an indecipherable look at Stuart before turning on his heel and leaving the room. </p>
<p>Silence ensured. The expensive hotel suite seemed to have got smaller since they'd first walked through the door, and it felt as though the air had been sucked out of it. Like a vacuum. A shiny, jagged vacuum filled with all of Nathaniel's own personal nightmares. His fingers clenched reflexively and the photo in his hand crumpled even more. He stared at it, taking in Andrew’s sharp side profile and golden hair. The sting returned to his chest.</p>
<p>Alex cleared his throat. Everyone glanced at him and he rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“So, are we doing this? Or are we just going to sit here and watch Nate brood for another while?”</p>
<p>Nathaniel threw him a vicious glare. Stuart's hand clamped down on his shoulder as he moved to stand, and he shook his head. </p>
<p>“Now is not the time for fighting kiddos. I need you to be professional about this, a united force. Kevin Day is your new favourite subject- find the fucker that is doing this and take them down.”</p>
<p>Stuarts eyes locked with Nathaniel's. There was a plethora of unspoken words that passed between them in that moment and he was glad for it, not knowing if he was capable of actually talking. Ash, Alex and Jared sprung into action at their uncles words, planning out the best course of action to get them to their assignment. Nathaniel didn't look away from Stuart. Eventually, the older man nodded with a sigh and exited the room in the same direction Ichirou had. </p>
<p>Nathaniel stood and walked to stand at Ash’s side. Alex and Jared were both on the phone, talking lowly. Ash was staring at him in the way she normally did when Nathaniel was trying to hold himself together- like she could see through him. </p>
<p>“Nate.” She whispered, “I’m sorry, I know this can’t be easy for you.”</p>
<p>He shrugged, venturing towards the kitchen. Ash followed, and he could almost hear the cogs turning in her head as she tried to figure out a way to get him to talk. He reached towards the previously abandoned fruit bowl and grabbed a clementine. Ash quirked a brow.</p>
<p>“Nate-“</p>
<p>He shoved the fruit into her mouth, ignoring the indignant splutter her got in response. He leant forward to ruffle her hair and gave her a wink. </p>
<p>“I don't want to talk about this. We have a job to do, that's it. Let's catch this fucker and then go home. We can take time off and bar hop across town for a week because I certainly don't intend on remembering this one. Okay?”</p>
<p>She nodded once, annoyed. Nathaniel leant forward again and gave her a fond kiss on the forehead. He turned to her brothers and clapped, the harsh noise startling in the previously undisturbed quiet. They turned on him with a glare. Nathaniel grinned. </p>
<p>“Alright, assholes. We’ve got our orders. Let's go kill this son of a bitch.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Stuart propped himself against the headboard of the bed as he listened to his niece and nephews bicker among each other as the filed out of the hotel suite. His head felt slightly fuzzy from the alcohol, and he could feel a tension headache begin to build in his temples. He sighed, and pressed the cool fabric of a pillow against his flushed face. </p>
<p>He was worried. Worried about this job, worried about how Nathaniel was going to handle it. They all knew how the boy felt about those blasted Palmetto foxes and, though his nephew was a phenomenal body to have on their field, he wasn't going into the job with a clear head. That was precisely the type of situation that was likely to get a man killed. </p>
<p>“Stop thinking so hard. I can practically hear the gears of your brain grinding.”</p>
<p>Stuart squinted at the doorway. Ichirou stood, seeming hesitant to pass the threshold. Stuart rolled his eyes at the other man and gestured him into the room. He came in, shutting the door behind him and sitting at the foot of the bed. </p>
<p>“Your nephew is a hard-headed idiot,” Ichirou said. “But he is also one of the best we have. He’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>Stuart groaned and placed the pillow back over his face. His words came out muffled. </p>
<p>“Nathaniel may play the part of the reptile, but he loves them. He loves that boy. It’s going to cloud his judgement, make him sloppy.”</p>
<p>Mistakes in their line of work meant death. Nathaniel had already had far too many brushes with death for his comfort and, if he were a cat, he would no doubt be on his tenth life. Borrowed time only goes so far, and that fact had given Stuart many a sleepless night. </p>
<p>A hand grasped the pillow over his face and pulled it off. Ichirou had shifted and was fully on the bed now, leaning slightly over Stuart. He frowned at him. </p>
<p>“Nathaniel is a grown man, Stuart. A pain in the ass also, yes, but he is good at his job. If anything, I feel like his personal attachment to the assignment with make him raise even more hell than normal. Yes?” </p>
<p>Stuart shuddered at the thought. </p>
<p>“I hope you have a large clean up team on standby if that's the case.”</p>
<p>Ichirou laughed. His breath ghosted along Stuarts face, and he squirmed slightly, shifting, so they were closer to one another. </p>
<p>“When am I anything if not prepared, hmm?”</p>
<p>Ichirou’s dark eyes had grown warmer from the briefing in the living room, his posture relaxed. He had taken off his jacket and undone the top button of his shirt and Stuart didn't think he would ever get used to seeing him like this. Like a normal person, instead of the impenetrable mob boss that he had grown accustom to in the first few years. </p>
<p>Stuart reached behind him, pulling at the grip that was holding his hair back. Dark locks spilled over his shoulders and brushed at the small patch of exposed skin on Stuarts chest. He played idly with a strand and Ichirou watched him, amused. Fond. </p>
<p>“I don't think anyone can be prepared when it comes to Nate.” He admitted softly. </p>
<p>Ichirou inched closer, barely a breath away. </p>
<p>“Enough talk about work. You'll have plenty of time to fret about your nephew later.”</p>
<p>And wasn't that the truth.</p>
<p>He closed the distance between them and Stuart couldn't help but let out a small sigh as their lips touched. Warmth coursed through his body and he reached out to grip the back of Ichirou’s head, his body arching into his touch instinctively. Ichirou let out a small noise of approval and deepened the kiss, practically purring as Stuart hitched a leg around his hip. </p>
<p>As it were, there was definitely worse ways to end a business meeting. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Andrew was going to kill Renee and, really, it was a shame since she was the most agreeable out of the entire group. </p>
<p>“You did what?” </p>
<p>Nicky looked like he was close to having an aneurism. Aaron was pacing the floor. Wymack kept glancing at Andrew like he used to when he was, frankly, an unstable psychopath. He flipped him the bird and kept his face bland when the other man rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>Renee sat calmly at the head of the table in Wymack and Abbies kitchen. Allison and her had arrived from grabbing coffee for the others about two hours ago. It sat in the living room, cold and untouched. The tale she had spun about her ventures in getting the coffee had proved much more interesting that the actual beverage itself. </p>
<p>“I invited Neil over for Christmas dinner.” She replied, looking directly at Andrew. He quirked an eyebrow. </p>
<p>“Renee,” Dan said. “This is so unlike you. What the hell?”</p>
<p>Everyone was there, spread around the kitchen and living area in various states of shock. Dan and Matt were propped against a kitchen counter, wide-eyed and disbelieving. Wymack and Abby were sat at the table, suspiciously silent. Kevin had retreated to the living room and hid his face in his hands. Allison sat beside Renee looking frustrated, but resigned. </p>
<p>No one seemed to know what to do. </p>
<p>“This isn't the type of thing you decide alone, Renee. Jesus Christ.” Aaron muttered, still pacing. Katelyn moved to his side and began to rub his arm in slow, practiced movements. Aaron sighed and leaned into her touch, while Andrew did his best not to gag. </p>
<p>He brought his gaze back to Renee to distract himself. She was still looking at him calmly, hands clasped on the table in front of her. She seemed to be waiting for something and Andrew had a feeling it had to come from him. Repressing a sigh, he stepped forward. </p>
<p>“What is your game, Walker?” He asked, deeply unimpressed. </p>
<p>Renee seemed to understand that because she winced slightly and nodded, silently agreeing with Andrew’s disapproval. He didn't have it in him to be angry with her and the logical part of his brain knew that there was more to this than what it seemed. Renee wasn't like the others, something they constantly overlooked because of her sweet temperament and attachment to religion. She could be as cold and as calculated as anyone he had ever met and nothing she ever did was a whim. He respected that about her most days, but right then it was just a nuisance. </p>
<p>“We all want answers, don't we?” She asked. “None of us have ever quite been able to close the book on Neil. We hesitate when talking about memories of the past, avoid certain pictures. We’ve never got closure on the matter. Until we get closure, we can’t move on.” </p>
<p>Andrew stilled. She was talking to everyone in the group now, eyes dancing back and forth between the different face, but her words were meant directly for him. Fury made him stiff, and he willed himself not to make a sound, not to let anyone notice the change of his mood. Renee honed back in on him, and she looked regretful when she took note of the storm in his eyes and the stiff set of his jaw. </p>
<p>“Smoke break.” He announced, making his way towards the back door. </p>
<p>Nicky looked alarmed. “Andrew, you quit smoking.”</p>
<p>He ignored him, one arming his way out the door. It shut behind him with a soft click and the bite of the cold chilled him as he made his way further out to the back deck. It was quiet outdoors, blissfully so. The only sound was the quiet chirp of the birds overhead and the rustle of the foliage in the wind. </p>
<p>Andrew let out a barely perceptible sigh and collapsed into one of the deck chairs, palming at the pocket of his jeans for his emergency pack of cigarettes. He hadn't smoked in a year and a half, due to the nagging of his coach about health concerns while playing a professional sport, but he always kept some on him. Just incase. He was glad of it now. </p>
<p>Andrew was halfway through the cigarette, staring unseeingly at the trees, before Renee finally joined him. He didn't look at her, didn't acknowledge her at all. She stayed quiet for a moment and Andrew could almost feel the regret coming off her in waves. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I should have asked you first.” She said softly, “But I’m not wrong, am I?”</p>
<p>Andrew took another draw of the cigarette and said nothing. A squirrel appeared in one of the trees and skittered about for a moment, seeming at a loss. He could relate. </p>
<p>“I'm worried about you. More than that, I’m worried about Neil suddenly appearing out of thin air after five years.”</p>
<p>Andrew spared her a glance. She looked more like Natalie right then than she did Renee, and it piqued his interest despite his best intentions. </p>
<p>“Oh?” He asked, trying for nonchalance. Renee shot him an arch glance. </p>
<p>“Oh.” She confirmed. “Something about this just isn't settling right in my gut. I’d like to say it’s simply curiosity for an old friend, but.”</p>
<p>She trailed off and Andrew let out a huff of air. </p>
<p>“We’re not in collage any more, Walker. The big bad mafia aren’t out to get us.”</p>
<p>“Hm.” She agreed, but didn't look convinced. </p>
<p>They sat in comfortable silence. Neither of them were good with conventional words of forgiveness when it came to friendship, so they took the peaceful stillness for what it was. Andrew was irritated, but he would get over it. He finished off his cigarette and was about to suggest they head back in, when Nicky appeared at the door. His face was strained, and he looked about two seconds away from full-blown hysteria. Andrew bristled. </p>
<p>“Um, guys. You're gonna want to come in here and see this.” </p>
<p>Andrew and Renee exchanged a glance before springing into action. They moved quickly and Nicky stepped out of their way as they barged through the back door. Everybody had moved, and he could hear voices coming from the hallway at the front of the house. He pushed past his brother and the other foxes, catching snippets of conversation as he went. </p>
<p>“-Is ridiculous. No, you can’t come in.” Wymack's voice. </p>
<p>“I'm really going to have to insist, sir-“ A woman’s voice, unfamiliar. </p>
<p>Andrew and Renee pushed forward so that they stood beside Wymack. A woman with short black hair, forest green eyes and a severe expression stood at the front door. She was flanked by two men in suits, so alike in stature and looks that it was hard to distinguish them. Andrew side-eyed Renee and her face may as well have been carved from stone, posture stiff and defensive. </p>
<p>“What is this about?” She said, stepping into view. </p>
<p>The woman’s face brightened. “Oh, hello! Renee, wasn't it? I was just explaining to David here-“</p>
<p>“You weren't explaining anything.”</p>
<p>“- that we really need to come in and have a word with you all.”</p>
<p>Renee didn't look impressed. “Concerning what?”</p>
<p>The woman didn't get the chance to answer. An expensive sports car swung into the drive, spitting gravel at the force of its stop. Two seconds later, the door opened to reveal a pissed off looking Neil. </p>
<p>“For fucks sake, Alex! What part of ‘let me go first’ did you not understand?” He griped, face flushed as he made his way towards them. </p>
<p>One of the guys flanking the smaller woman cracked his tough guy persona long enough to release a small smirk. It looked entirely self-satisfied. The man beside him, his brother presumably, looked weary. </p>
<p>“Maybe you should learn to drive less like a pensioner, little cousin.” </p>
<p>Neil looked thunderous and shoved his shoulder when he got close enough. The two glared at each other until the woman cleared her throat softly. Neil flipped his glance to her and seemed to become aware of his surroundings. He cleared his own throat and sent a wide-eyed glance towards the foxes. </p>
<p>“Um, hello.” </p>
<p>The foxes stared at him silently. Neil flushed and the man beside him laughed again. Andrew watched as a muscle ticked in Neil’s jaw, and he seemed to be forcibly restraining himself from doing him serious harm. </p>
<p>“I’m really sorry about all of this, Coach. Would it be alright if we came in and had a word with you all?”</p>
<p>Wymack studied Neil for a long moment. Neil gazed back, seemingly calm now and whatever Wymack found there seemed to satisfy him. It was probably the coach thing, Andrew thought. For all his gruff exterior, the older man was a stickler for sentiment. </p>
<p>“Alright, Neil. Okay. Come in.”</p>
<p>Everyone moved back to make room for them. Andrew watched them enter the house in suspended disbelief. He looked at Renee, who looked the furthest thing from relaxed there was, and sent her a black glare. Damn it. </p>
<p>“You're really never wrong, are you?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Phew. A lot going on in this chapter. Poor Stuart just needs a long vacation away from the kids, preferably somewhere sunny and without any mafia ties lol. </p>
<p>Thank you guys so much for the kudos and comments on the last chapter! It genuinely makes my day to see them, so thank you. Hope you enjoy this chapter and I promise there will be some Neil/Andrew interaction very soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>David Wymack prided himself on being involved in his kids lives. </p><p>He made sure to attend as many of Kevin’s games as he possibly could and he never let the phone ring more than twice if he could help it when Dan phoned him, worrying about her kids that she was coaching or a problem between her and Matt.</p><p> In the same spirit, he would video-call with Nicky and Erik one every two weeks, text Aaron and remind him to eat a full meal between hectic hospital rounds, had at least hour-long conversations with Renee and Allison about topics that he could normally only grunt about in response and, surprisingly, he even had regular conversations with Andrew over text. It normally consisted of sarcastic quips from the latter about his age, but it was something. </p><p>He had been around a long time and had seen many a damaged kid come through his door, but his kids were the only ones he ever struck long-lasting bonds with. The only group that had gripped him by the heart completely and hadn't let go since. </p><p>He thought about Seth often; felt that aged wound ache and tear each year when he thought of the man he could have been. Seth had been rough around the edges and as vicious as a junkyard dog, but he had a core of goodness in him that David knew would have flourished if it had only been given the potential. His death had been a hard hit, but it had also been one that came with a closed door. </p><p>Neil Josten, however, had been the fracture in their make-shift family that had never been given the opportunity to heal. David was by no means naive and he had seen what the kid's departure had done to the others. Each one of them had bonded with him in their own right and, in turn, each one grieved in their own way. They were angry, hurt and David couldn't find it in him to discourage them otherwise.</p><p>David himself had spent many a sleepless night staring at the ceiling, wondering. Wondering about the feral kid with the attitude bigger than his body who, even years later, had still flinched if someone lifted their hand too high when near him. He recalled Neil’s aggressive reaction to his reflection, his willingness to take a knife to his own face just so he could remove a mark that branded him under something he didn't stand for.</p><p>The kid standing in his living room right then, well. He wasn't a kid any more. Neil had gathered them all around the couches and his- henchmen, colleagues?- stood on either side of him. Flanking him. Maybe it was the elegant suit he was wearing, or the new accent that curled off his tongue, but David thought it was most likely the confidence that radiated from him in waves. Neil commanded the attention of the room; likely without even realising it. Never once did his eye-contact waver or his posture slump, even under the damn near menacing glares coming from his foxes.</p><p>David was begrudgingly impressed. More than that, he was relieved; relieved to see that the boy he had always worried about in those sleepless nights had turned into what seemed to be a self-assured man. </p><p>It didn't negate his anger in any way, though, at the flurry of strangers that had forced their way into his home. </p><p>Neil turned his eyes on him and David held back a flinch, feeling caught out. Neil’s eyes had always been an uncanny thing; an almost impossible blue that held far too much knowledge. They looked arctic these days, impenetrable.</p><p>“Coach.” He said. “Again, I’m really sorry about this. We wouldn't intrude if it wasn't vital.”</p><p>David raised an eyebrow at that. “And yet.”</p><p>Neil at least had the decency to look embarrassed. The foxes were watching him with various looks of curiosity, distrust and anger. Matt looked like he was about to explode out of his skin. Aaron looked like he might have liked to murder Neil right then. Andrew looked curiously blank. </p><p>Neil made a slight gesture behind him and one of the men in suits handed him a sleek black laptop. Gracefully, he slid it onto the table in front of him and pulled a USB from his trouser pocket. </p><p>“I’m afraid we have a bit of problem. Lord Ichirou has asked us to look into the matter and, before I show you what's on this laptop I want you to remember this; it <em>will</em> be take care of.”</p><p>Neil was looking directly at Kevin as he spoke. David felt his hackles rise and moved closer to his son. Kevin, for the most part, just looked confused. </p><p>“Neil, what the hell is this? If Lord Ichirou has an issue with my contract, why not just come to me directly? Or at least get one of his lackeys to send his threats for him.” Kevin sounded bitter. </p><p>A twisted smile settled on Neil's lips. </p><p>“Oh no. A commodity such as Kevin Day? One wouldn't do, so you got four.” </p><p>Everyone in the room seemed to blanch at the implication of those words. Abby was worrying her lip between her teeth and she sought David with her eyes, looking miserable. He knew how badly she wanted to take Neil into her arms, to protect him from whatever evils awaited in the new world he had got himself wrapped up in, but this was far beyond her. Far beyond any of them. </p><p>The girl- Ashley, Neil had called her- stepped forward and placed a hand on Neil's arm, squeezing slightly. It seemed to have a steadying effect on him as his expression neutralized itself once more and he took a deep breath, gesturing her forward. </p><p>“As Nate said, we have this under control. Keep that in your thoughts, and please try to stay calm.” She said, leaning over to press the play button. </p><p>The video only lasted about a minute and a half, but for David, it felt like an eternity. Horror was a tight fist clenched around his heart and when he opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out. Similarly, the foxes looked stunned. He turned his eyes to his son, fingers clenching reflexively on his shoulder when he saw how young, how terribly unsure he looked. </p><p>Kevin’s eyes were wide and his skin had turned a sickly shade of pale. His eyes darted back and forth between the laptop in front of him and Neil, who stared back with a calm facade that seemed at least half-believable. He said nothing, arms folded across his chest, but his focus was undeniable. He seemed to be waiting for Kevin to process; or potentially have a breakdown. </p><p>Kevin did neither. He leant forward in his seat and slammed down a hand over the replay button. Then, once more. On the fourth attempt, Neil finally decided to intervene and walked slowly towards Kevin, shutting the laptop with a gentle click when he was close enough. He tugged at the hems of his trousers before dropping into a crouch, now eye-level with Kevin and severe.</p><p>“What do you need?” He asked, voice firm but devoid of the panic everybody else seemed to be cycling through. </p><p>Kevin tore a hand through his hair, shaking his head. His mouth opened, closed, until he finally said:</p><p>“Answers, Neil. I need answers. Who <em>is</em> this man? Why was he trying to <em>shoot</em> me?”</p><p>“We don’t know yet.” Neil replied, ignoring the squawks of disbelief from everybody else. “I found about this today. Intel is trying to locate his whereabouts as we speak.”</p><p>“So why are you here? Shouldn’t you be out there trying to find him?”</p><p>Neil frowned.  “That’s not my job. Look, Kevin; this man is a direct threat to you. This is not the first time he’s followed you and I can guarantee it won’t be the last. Ichirou has made it clear that you need protection, so that’s what you’ve got.”</p><p>Kevin blinked, glancing between Neil and the others he had brought with him. His expression shifted as he looked at the formal suit and look of consternation Neil wore and a sharp, brittle imitation of laughter broke free from his chest. He buried his face in his hands and David tightened his grip once more. Over the years he had found himself getting better at comforting Kevin, but he found that with this particular scenario, he was in over his head. He didn’t know how to tell Kevin that everything was going to be alright when his own chest was tight with barely concealed panic. </p><p>“So he sent <em>you?<em>” Kevin said, voice muffled. “You’re the guard-dog he sent to keep me safe? <em>Goddamn it, Neil.”</em></em></em></p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The emotion in his voice wasn’t hard to decipher, nor was the reasoning behind it. Neil flinched and stood to his full height again, retreating a few paces. Kevin moved too, pulling away from David’s touch to follow him. He looked furious; green eyes throwing sparks as he pointed a finger accusingly at him. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“You spent your whole life running from them, only to turn tail and run right back into their grasp just when you were on the verge of freedom. Why, Neil? Why the fuck would you do that? How could you be so stupid?” He spat. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The entire room stilled. Kevin was simmering with rage, his entire frame shaking with it. Neil, in comparison, had immediately schooled his features into an impenetrable blank mask and stood stiffly, facing Kevin’s fury head-on. They were an uncanny thing to lay eyes on; fire and ice respectively. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“That,” Neil replied evenly, “Is none of your business. The how's and why's of my work is of no concern here. I’ve been given the task of keeping you and the others alive and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“And, what, you think I don’t know what that means? Tell me, Neil, how does it feel to become everything you spent your life running from?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Cruelty wasn’t Kevin’s chosen brand of attack on a normal day and, privately, David decided that it really didn’t suit him. The full-body flinch from Neil was enough to prompt a few sharps gasps from the group and even Aaron looked uncomfortable with the direction Kevin’s anger had taken. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Surprisingly, it was the man who seemed antagonistic towards Neil earlier that intervened. He broke from the corner that he had been stood in with his brother and, faster than David could comprehend, he had shoved Kevin away from Neil and regarded him with a look of contempt when he stumbled and swore. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Those types of accusations don’t settle well where I’m from, Day. Watch your mouth, or I might have to readjust those shiny veneers of yours.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“You can try.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew moved from where he was stood beside Aaron and rooted himself firmly at Kevin’s side. The height difference, as ever, was nearly comical but the threatening smile that he aimed at the other man and the knife he flipped casually back and fourth between his fingers sucked any humour out of the situation. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Let’s see how far you get with a knife sticking out of your gut though, hm?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The other man laughed, baring his teeth right back at Andrew. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Try it, Minyard. I’ve faced worse than your particular brand of psychotic.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Enough.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil stepped between the two, clearly having taken a minute while the others bickered to collect himself. The look he aimed at the other man was hard to decipher, but David thought it looked an odd mixture of exasperated and grateful. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I’m fine, Alex. Nothing I haven’t heard before.” He said.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Alex shook his head and aimed a nasty look at Kevin. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Nothing you’re going to hear again, either. Understood?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew bristled and took another menacing step towards Alex, but he stopped when Neil got in his way. Hand outstretched, an inch away from actually touching his chest, Neil stared unflinchingly at Andrew’s anger and shook his head when the other mans glare increased ten-fold. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Enough, Andrew. Fighting isn’t going to solve anything. History aside, you’re all at threat here and my team and I are the people who have been put in place to protect you. We can’t do our job if you start cutting us off at the knees before we’ve even begun.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew froze. Neil stared at him silently, his eyes filled with the most emotion that David had seen him convey yet. The two seemed to be having a silent conversation and it was clear that Neil’s words held some sort of meaning that only the two of them were aware of. David watched, tense and he felt Abby sidle up next to him and slip her hand into his. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>It didn’t seem possible that this interaction could end any other way than badly but after an indecipherable amount of time, Andrew relented. A mocking grin lit up his face and he reached up to give Neil a sarcastic two-finger salute that made the other man frown. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Floors all yours, Pinocchio. Let’s see if you can hold it.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>With that, he turned on his heel and stormed off in the direction of the kitchen. David could already see that he was struggling with the box of cigarettes in his pocket and made a mental note to remind him that he had, in fact, given up smoking. It wasn’t high priority in the grand scheme of things though, so he turned his attention back to the main problem and sighed inwardly at the wounded look on Neil’s face as he watched Andrew leave. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He really was getting too old for this shit. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Kevin,” he said, gesturing to the sofa when his son looked at him. “Sit your ass down. Keep your mouth shut. We have a lot to talk about here and your dramatics aren’t helping anyone.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Kevin sat, Neil talked and David, for the most part, spent the time wondering if his life would ever be plain sailing. Looking around at the mis-matched group of people he had made his family, he surmised sadly that the odds didn’t seem to be tipping in his favour. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>-</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The next few days that followed were tense, to say the least. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Kevin was a relentless bundle of energy. He spent his time either pacing the floors or demanding that Andrew take him to a court to practice, only to snap and snarl at Neil or any of the others who reminded him that he was under temporary house arrest. There was an invisible wall around him, one that nobody dared breach in fear of getting maimed. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The others, for the most part, retreated to their hotel rooms. Neil had arranged for at least two members of security to be with them all at any given time, but it was a thankless gesture and had been received with mostly scorn and accusations of an invasion of privacy. Wymack and Abby had tried their best to reason with them, but for once, their words did little to ease any of the tension in the group. It felt like there was a building fissure in their family, one that all of them seemed reluctant to prod lest it make it any bigger.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil spent most of the time on the phone. The dark circles under his eyes told of how little he was sleeping and it seemed like he was constantly snarling profanities down the line to somebody; regardless of the language, they all knew what the vicious tone of his voice meant. He was constantly on edge and Kevin’s attitude wasn’t helping matters at all. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew, for the most part, was sticking to the fringes. He had cancelled his hotel room an hour after he had heard the news, opting to stay at Wymack and Abby’s, so he could be closer to Kevin. Staying close and interacting were two extremely diverse things though and he spent most of the time with earphones in, making a show of turning up his music every time Kevin came to harp at him about practice. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he had raided Wymack’s bar before he had even bothered to unpack his things.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>As for Neil, well. Andrew had been avoiding him, which was quite the task when they were temporarily staying in the same house. He wasn’t a fool; he had seen the lingering looks Neil had cast at him, the hesitations when he passed a room that Andrew was in. He knew the other man was looking for an excuse to talk to him, but every time he seemed to build up the courage to do it, either one of his cousins came looking for him or his phone buzzed insistently.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>As for the cousins, Andrew was glad Neil had decided they would stay elsewhere. The girl, Ashley, seemed to be the closest to Neil and out of the three she seemed the most tolerable. The brothers were rarely in the house; something that was no doubt intentional. Jared, the younger one, didn’t seem so bad and kept mostly to himself, but Andrew’s vision tinged red when he thought back to Alex threatening Kevin. Neil clearly hadn’t had the foresight to warn him into a hands-off approach and if there was a repeat, Andrew wouldn’t hesitate to use the older man as a means to wipe the dust off his knifes. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Christmas was fast approaching and no one seemed to be in the mood for it. On the night before Christmas Eve, Andrew found himself sitting in Wymack’s kitchen alone. The house was quiet for once; everyone had been exhausted since they had heard the news and seemed to be crashing earlier and earlier. Andrew sighed, liberally pouring some whiskey into his hot chocolate as he stared unseeingly out the window. He was tired but restless, and a half-formed thought of going for a drive crossed his mind before he shut it down viciously. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Escaping would mean bringing Neil’s wrath down on himself and he just didn’t have the energy for it tonight. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“- Yes, Brian, obviously send me the footage. Jesus. What did you think the answer to that question would be?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew’s head snapped up as Neil stormed into the kitchen, cursing under his breath as he hung up the phone. He had his laptop clutched under one arm and his hair was wild in a way that made Andrew think he had tried to yank it out by the roots at some point out of sheer frustration. He froze momentarily when he saw Andrew, before nodding once and settling himself at the far end of the table. His laptop snapped open and he was immersed within seconds. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew took a sip of his drink and allowed himself a moment to just... look. Neil hadn’t aged much in the five years he’d been gone, but there were more subtle changes in his appearance that made him seem more like a stranger than someone Andrew had once been intimate with. There was a darkness to his expression now, something jaded and ragged that had previously only lurked beneath the surface. Even the way he held himself was different; all at once stiffer and more fluid. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>The elegant clothes he had taken to wearing were rumpled tonight; the buttons of his disheveled shirt were undone just enough that Andrew could see a peak of dark ink curling around Neil’s collarbone. And wasn’t that just something? The familiar stirring of interest was as expected and it was unwelcome. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Bingo.” Neil muttered, eyes squinting as he leaned closer to the screen. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“You’ve found something?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil peered at him over the laptop, eyebrows drawn upwards in surprise that Andrew had spoken to him. After days of stubborn silence, it was to be expected. He schooled his features quickly though, that horrible blankness settling over his features as he nodded once and gestured for Andrew to come and look. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I think I found our guy.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew narrowed his eyes, tilting his head slightly as he took in the screen. The image of a man sitting at a bar alone greeted him. He had a cap on his head that was pulled down low over his face, not leaving much of his features on display. The height and build looked like it might match the man in the footage, but it was a long shot.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew glanced at Neil from the corner of his eye. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“The original video was too grainy to distinguish any features and in this you can’t see his face either. What could possibly make you think this is the guy?”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil grinned at him and Andrew pointedly ignored the way his stomach jumped in response. It had been awhile since he had last been on the receiving end of that particular satisfied smile, but it left him feeling just as frazzled and undone as it ever had. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Look at the insignia on his hat.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew leaned forward again as Neil zoomed the image. A complicated swirl of spirals adorned the top of it. The design looked complicated and, more importantly, unique. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“A well-known brand?” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil shook his head. “Nope. Local. Hasn’t really taken off yet. I’ve sent away for their sales itinerary, but the guy who runs the brand says the hats have been their worst seller of the bunch.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Clever, something in Andrew whispered. He ignored it. Neil’s attention to detail had always been impressive when it was something he was obsessive over and he supposed this particular instance would be no different. Over the last few days he’d seen Neil re-watch the footage on a constant loop, so the fact that he had noticed the insignia was no real surprise. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“It still seems like you’re clutching at straws. Even if the hat only sold to two people, you could be following a dead-end.” He countered. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil nodded, eyes on the screen. “Sure, I could be. But if I don’t follow up on every potential lead, this guy could slip through the cracks. I don’t need to remind you how grave those consequences could be.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He didn’t. Andrew hummed, taking another sip of his drink. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>A silence fell between the two as Neil skipped through the footage. It seemed the guy was a frequent to the bar, returning at least twice a week. He followed the same patterns; he would sit and have a drink at the bar, look at his watch about ten times, before slipping towards the back where the booths were. There was a blind spot at the back of the room where no cameras had been placed and Neil was practically grinding his teeth with frustration, playing and replaying the same footage over and over again. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“He’s meeting someone.” Neil muttered, inching closer to the screen. “Someone who isn’t stupid. I can’t pick anyone up from the entrance cameras that didn’t stay in plain view, which means they’re somehow getting in through a back entrance.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“How do you know he’s meeting someone?” Andrew asked, deciding to play devil's advocate. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil didn’t look at him and the tension in his shoulders didn’t leave as he hit replay on the clip again. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“His mannerisms, mostly. He’s obviously nervous; see, he keeps rubbing his thigh and scratching the back of his neck. Tells.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil pointed at the screen, glancing at Andrew to make sure he was following. Andrew nodded and gestured for him to go on. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“That, and the fact that he’s constantly checking his watch. Obviously, that’s a dead giveaway. Whoever it is, I would assume they have some type of power over him. Nobody gets that nervous if they’re meeting with someone they’re comfortable with.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Maybe he’s on a date.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil sent him an odd look.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“If he’s on a date with someone who has to come into a bar through the back entrance, I’d like to hope there would at least be questions asked.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Andrew snorted. “Maybe they’re a rabbit like you. Questions can be asked, but it doesn’t mean answers are a given. Perhaps we should extend a bit more sympathy; maybe the guy just had questionable taste in conquests.”</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Does that mean your taste is just as questionable?” Neil shot back, a small smile tugging at the edges of his lips.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I have never disputed the fact.” Andrew returned, struggling to contain the warm feeling flooding his veins. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He hadn’t realized how close the two of them had got; Neil was still sat at the table, while Andrew was crouched beside him to get a better look at the screen. Their eyes were locked and that stupid smile on Neil’s face was only getting bigger, his blue eyes filled with an impossible fondness that made Andrew want to push his face away. He was suddenly very aware of how alone they were.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Andrew...” Neil’s voice was soft. His eyes dropped to Andrews lips and back to his eyes so quickly that it was barely noticeable. Barely. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>An insatiable rush of want flooded through Andrew’s veins. It would be so easy to just lean forward, to bridge the small gap between them and kiss Neil; consequences be damned. He knew that wild, blown-out look Neil was giving him all to well and it was comforting to know that in that regard at least, some things hadn’t changed. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He leant forward slightly, testing, and could feel Neil’s breath ghost against his skin. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“I’m not quite as self-destructive as I once was, Abram.” </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He pulled back abruptly, ignoring the small gasp he got from Neil in response. It physically pained him to leave this moment behind, but Andrew refused to let himself be drawn in again by the enigma of a man in front of for a second time. He wasn’t in the habit of being burnt more than once. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Striding across the kitchen, he threw his cup in the sink and didn’t bother to wash it up. Wymack would no doubt gripe in the morning, but Andrew knew he needed to leave the kitchen before he did something he wasn’t entirely sure he would regret. He threw another two-fingered salute at a frazzled looking Neil. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>“Goodnight, Neil. Have fun playing the superhero; lets hope you don’t get us all killed.” He said with a false cheer he most definitely didn’t feel. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Neil blinked and nodded hesitantly. Andrew didn’t wait for a reply, exiting the kitchen as fast as his fake calm would allow. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Tomorrow, he would deal with this. Tomorrow, he would exorcize any of his lingering attraction to Neil and make damn sure not to make the same mistake twice. </em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Tonight, however, the only thing Andrew was interested in was leaving the entirety of today behind.</em>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, it’s been forever. Sorry, life has been kicking my ass lately and work has been all consuming; hence, no time to write. </p><p>I’m hoping to have a more regular update schedule very soon though!</p><p>I hope you liked this chapter. Your comments are always great to read and I’d loved to hear your feedback on this chapter. At least we FINALLY got some Neil/Andrew interaction!</p><p>Thanks for reading and have a great day/night!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Tw for panic attacks, violence, brief mentions of throwing up and flashbacks.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christmas Eve arrived unceremoniously. </p><p>It was a dark day, neither sunshine nor snow breaking through the clouds. Instead, a near constant stream of light rain poured from the heavens and paired with the cold bite in the air, it made for an added discomfort to an already miserable atmosphere. </p><p>Wymack woke Nathaniel when he started up the coffee machine. It was the same one from his previous apartment and though it was an old monster of a thing that shrieked and groaned much too loud for such an early hour of the day, the sound of it sent a pleasant thrum of nostalgia through him. For a moment, it was easy to pretend that the last five years had never happened; that he was still Neil Josten, and he had simply fallen asleep on Wymacks couch after watching Exy re-runs late into the night. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to hold on to the fragile peace. </p><p>Of course, it wasn’t long before reality reared its head in the form of conscious thought and with it came the need to face the day head-on. </p><p>Nathaniel cleared his throat gruffly and removed a piece of paper that was stuck to his cheek with drool. Paperwork littered the kitchen table, and he groaned internally at the disorder of the stacks that he had remembered being much more organised before he had clearly passed out at some point.</p><p>“You know,” Wymack said, holding out a cup of coffee in offering. “The couch is pretty damn comfortable.”</p><p>“I’m sure it is.” Nathaniel yawned and accepted the cup with a grateful nod. “I’ll gladly take you up on that offer when the person who’s actively trying to kill your son isn’t at large any more.”</p><p>They were harsh words for so early in the morning, but he didn’t have it in him to sugarcoat things. He didn’t have time for lectures about his sleeping schedule, had learned long ago that being in his line of work meant sacrificing normal hours and functioning on the bare-minimum. It wasn’t always a pleasant way to live, but it was manageable. </p><p>Wymack frowned at him. It was obvious that he was itching to say more, but whatever look he read on Nathaniel’s face clearly told he was trying to fight a losing battle, and he settled on an exasperated eye-roll instead. He grabbed a stack of his own papers from the kitchen counter and sat opposite Nathaniel at the table, quietly flipping through them as he sipped his coffee. </p><p>“Any breaks?” He asked, not up. </p><p>Flashes from the night before came back to him in pieces. New footage from the bar. The man wearing the same hat as the original cctv. The bright spark of amusement in Andrew’s eyes as he had lent forward, close enough to-</p><p>Nathaniel cleared his throat. </p><p>“Possibly.” Was the only reply he could muster. </p><p>Wymack took it for what it was and didn’t press any further, thankfully. They both focused on their work and a comfortable silence engulfed the room. Nathaniel had almost forgotten how easy it was to be around Wymack; the man had an odd way of reading people, knowing when his gruff words were needed or, in this case, when they weren’t. It was easily the most peaceful morning he’d had in years. </p><p>Of course nothing good could last forever and this particular disturbance came in the form of one Kevin Day, about an hour later. His expression was as thunderous as ever when he stomped into the kitchen, and only seemed to darken further when he saw Wymack and Nathaniel sat at the table together. </p><p>“Cozy.” </p><p>The biting quality to his voice would suggest he thought the opposite. Nathaniel rolled his eyes as he watched Kevin pour himself a cup of coffee, already tired of his mood-swings. </p><p>“Good morning to you, too. And before you ask-“ He said, stopping Kevin as he opened his mouth to speak. “No, you can’t go to court today. You can continue to strop around like a toddler if you like, but the answer isn’t changing.”</p><p>“This is ridiculous!” Kevin seethed. “I’m a professional athlete, Neil! I <em>need</em>to practice.”</p><p>“Can’t play Exy if you’re dead, Kev.”</p><p>Nathaniel squinted at his laptop, tuning Kevin’s complaints out. Ichirou had made good on his promise to provide him with resources, but it seemed more of a punishment than a help. Maybe it was because he was used to working with his own set of people back home, but he was having a hard time communicating with the team he’d been given; in short, they were bumbling idiots with not so much of an idiom of professionalism about them. </p><p>Given who they were contracted from, Nathaniel could only come to the conclusion that Ichirou was trying to kill him off early with stress, rather than get his own hands dirty. </p><p>His phone buzzed at the same moment Andrew walked through the kitchen door. Nathaniel froze momentarily, an awful heat rushing through him at the sight of the other mans wild bed-head and bleary eyes. </p><p>There was something about Andrew in the morning that he’d always loved. It wasn’t that he was soft, more like there was a muted quality to his aggression when he’d just woken. Though he would never admit it, Andrew was perpetually grumpy in the mornings and Nathaniel had often thought of a spitting kitten when he’d seen the tired glares directed at him as he’d sipped on coffee. </p><p>His phone buzzed again. Shaking himself, Nathaniel bodily turned himself away from his own personal brand of distraction and accepted the call. </p><p>“Hartford.”</p><p>“Nate. He’s at the bar again. If you’re not already, get dressed and get your ass outside. I’m already here.”</p><p>Ashley hung up. Nathaniel spat out a curse and glanced down at himself. He was still in his clothes from yesterday, and they were creased as hell, but he didn’t have the time to get changed. Grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair, he shrugged it on and a barely concealed hiss escaped him as the bullet wound twinged in protest. It was healing well, but getting shot had always been a tedious recovery process, and he could only hope that it wouldn’t slow him down. </p><p>Andrew, Kevin and Wymack were all staring at him. Nathaniel scrubbed a hand across his face. </p><p>“I’ll be back later.”</p><p>He started for the door. Kevin intercepted just as quickly and Nathaniel resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. </p><p>“Neil. I need to practice. If I bring Andrew with me-“</p><p>“Kevin.” Nathaniel growled. “I have never given less of a shit about Exy than I do right now. Get this through your head; You are not going anywhere. Andrew is not going anywhere. Do you understand?”</p><p>“But-“</p><p>“No! No ‘buts’! Someone out there wants you dead, Kevin, and until I get them Exy is out of the question. Now get out of my way and stop making my job harder than it needs to be.”</p><p>Kevin didn’t move, so Nathaniel feigned to his left and then ducked out past his right side. He could hear cursing behind him as he made his way out of the house, and then a lowered tone that wasn’t gruff enough to be Wymack. Andrew had never been the soothing type, so it could only be assumed that he was making fun of Kevin and, essentially, adding fuel to the ever-growing fire. It was going to be a long day. </p><p>Grey skies greeted him when he exited the house, and he shuddered against the cold bite of wind on his exposed skin. He half jogged towards the car, ignoring the impatient rev of the engine. Ashley barely gave him time to shut the car door before she took off, tyres squealing against the gravel of the drive. </p><p>She looked tense, only offering him a curt nod in greeting and refusing to take her eyes off the road. Nathaniel snorted. </p><p>“Yes hello, Ashley. I’m doing good, thanks for asking. Lovely weather, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Don’t start, Nate. I’m not in the mood.” </p><p>Nathaniel frowned at the deadened tone of her voice, bracing himself against the car door when she took a sharp left. Ashley wasn’t a harsh person innately. In fact, one of the things that had drawn him to her in the earlier days was how much she reminded him of Renee; she could be as deadly as she needed to be when in work mode, but on any other day she had an abundance of patience, sharp wit and a gentleness about her that was admirable. The only time that Nathaniel had ever really seen her like this was when-</p><p>“Stuart?” He guessed.</p><p>Ashley sighed. </p><p>“Yeah. He called this morning. Evan’s therapist was in touch, and apparently he’s had a bit of a regression. Ergo, mother-hen Stuart.”</p><p>He didn’t know what to say to that. His fingers drummed listlessly against the leather interior, and he watched cars zoom past them, a metaphorical hand tightening around his throat and stealing his words away. Family, as ever, was a difficult concept for Nathaniel, and he never failed to fumble when it came to the topic. Five years was a long time, longer even than he’d been with the foxes, but every, so often he still felt like a stranger looking in from the outside. </p><p>“Is Evan okay?” He asked quietly. </p><p>Ashley didn’t answer right away. She took another couple of turns, adjusted the radio a few times, before finally giving him a quick glance from the corner of her eye.</p><p>“His night-terrors are back again.” She said finally, voice hard. </p><p>Nathaniel closed his eyes briefly and bit back a sigh. They had known that being so far away from home, Evan would find it difficult to feel safe. After everything he’d been through, everything he’d seen, it was to be expected. Images rushed through Nathaniel’s mind; a much smaller, scared version of Evan crouched over a body, covered in blood-</p><p>“Should I call him later? Do you think it would help?” He spoke loudly, hoping his own voice might drown out the images in his brain. </p><p>“It might.” Ashley returned, pulling the car to a stop. “We’ll talk about it later. Right now, we have a job to do.”</p><p>There was still a frostiness to her, but Nathaniel ignored it and instead focused on the building in front of him. This part of his job was what he enjoyed the most; switching off any parts of his brain that weren’t useful and zeroing in on the task at hand. It was cathartic, if maybe a little unhealthy. </p><p>“How long has he been in there?”</p><p>“Around twenty minutes.” She checked her phone, squinting at the screen. “Intel says he hasn’t left the building yet.”</p><p>“Behaviour?”</p><p>“As twitchy as ever.”</p><p>Nathaniel popped the headrest open, fumbling against the top until his hand made contact with tape and steel. It chilled his fingers, cold and familiar. For just a second, he could imagine his mother sitting next to him instead of Ashley. He could imagine being fifteen, when his name was Chris and his scalp was still stinging from fingers tugging it at it mere minutes before, his heart pounding with exhilaration as his mother shouted at him to grab the gun, to-</p><p>He took a deep, steadying breath and checked the ammunition. <em>A man can only have so many issues</em>, he reminded himself wryly. </p><p>“You take the front.” He said. “I’m nearly certain that there’s a back entrance that’s being breached, so it needs to be checked out. Don’t engage unless he does and keep it casual. Nothing too prying.” </p><p>Ashley nodded. Her eyes were dark as she checked her own weapons, and they concealed them from view carefully before bailing out of the car and heading their separate ways. </p><p>Nathaniel kept his pace casual as he headed towards the bar. It was a worn down looking place, grey bricked with a filthy looking alleyway down the side of it. Being that it was so early in the day, the trash cans still sat out front to be emptied and the surrounding shops and sidewalks around it was practically vacant. A tattered looking stray cat glanced at him suspiciously as he made his way down the ally, yowling at him in an unfriendly way. </p><p>Nathaniel smiled at it as he passed. </p><p>The rainfall had made the ground unpleasantly sludgy and an odd smell permeated from around him the further he pressed on. His boot caught on something, and he glanced down, grimacing when he realised he’d just stepped on a condom that- yep, definitely used. Gross. He kicked it away in disgust, but froze up when he heard the distinct sound of a car engine coming from further within. </p><p>Hitching his gun a little higher in the waistband of his trousers, Nathaniel barely dared to breathe as he lent against the wall and peered around the corner. A beat-down looking silver Toyota was idling outside the back of the bar. Nathaniel couldn’t make out the figure in the front seat, but he could see that whoever it was had a cap on his head. He’d never been the betting type, but he’d put money on it being the same brand as the other man was wearing. </p><p>His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out one-handed, barely daring to take his eyes off the car incase it somehow disappeared. This was the closest they’d got to answers in days, and he was nearly desperate for the need of absolution. He read Ashely’s message at the same time a figure emerged from the back entrance. </p><p>It was the man; same build, same height, same cap. Nathaniel couldn’t see much from his vantage point, but he knew. He knew the same way he always did in these types of cases; a familiar gut ache that almost made him queasy with anticipation. These were the people who were after Kevin. </p><p>His eyes scanned the car, and he made a brief note of the licence plates. It was a pointless gesture, and he already knew that the plates would come up as fake, but habits were a hard thing to kick. He watched, breath bated, as the window of the car was rolled down and the man at the door approached. A package emerged and the man gripped it, glancing around him warily as he hitched up his shirt to shove the bundle into his waistband. </p><p>Nathaniel’s eyes narrowed. There were markings on the man's stomach; not tattoos, he mused, the lines were too thin and ragged. Those were scars, scars made by a very blunt blade. He took a step closer in an attempt to make them out in more detail, but before he could get the chance his foot made purchase with something firm. A piercing howl filled the air and Nathaniel jumped back in shock as the (god-fucking-damn-it) cat from earlier spat at him nastily and dashed out towards the men. </p><p>The car engine revved to life, and before he could even have the chance to react, it sped off. Nathaniel cursed and the other man’s head snapped up to look at him. The first thing Nathaniel noticed about the man was that he had very green, very angry looking eyes. The next thing was that the man was rushing him. </p><p>Nathaniel reached for his weapon, but the man was fast. In no time he had reached him, slamming into him hard enough that there was an audible crunch when Nathaniel’s head hit the concrete. He groaned as the dull throbbing in his skull lit up instantly, but pushed himself unsteadily to his feet and made off after the man. </p><p>Even with a head injury he was still fast, years of running standing behind him. He caught up with the man just as he was about to exit the alley and, seeing no other solution, threw himself towards him. His clothes were instantly soaked in the slush from the floor, but he ignored it, yanking at the man's foot and pulling him down with him. The man turned on him with a snarl and kicked out frantically, the cap on his head falling off in the struggle. </p><p>“Let go of me!” He hissed, turning his head towards him. </p><p>Nathaniel froze. An odd sense of recognition washed over him, though he knew this man wasn’t someone he had ever met before. His brain was muddled from the hit it had taken and all he could do was stare at the man, wondering dumbly why he looked so familiar. </p><p>A moment of hesitation was all he needed. The man kicked out viciously once more, his foot making purchase with the side of Nathaniel’s face. Losing his grip, he slumped uselessly to the ground and didn’t bother to try to get back up again this time. The man scrambled away and Nathaniel listened to the ricochet of his footfall against the side-walk as he tried to distract himself from the pounding in ears. </p><p>He groaned, pushing himself to his knees. The bullet wound in his side throbbed relentlessly and for a dizzying moment he wondered if there would ever be a time in his life when he wasn’t recovering from the wounds people constantly inflicted upon him. </p><p>He struggled for a moment, then pulled out his phone. </p><p>“Ash.” He choked down the line. “Car. He got away.”</p><p>“Jesus fucking Christ, Nate.” Ash hissed when he finally managed to make it to the car, throwing himself in sideways. “What happened?”</p><p>“I smiled at a cat. Bad move.”</p><p>Ash looked skeptical as she pulled a clean rag from the front compartment and pressed it against his head. </p><p>“Your head is pissing with blood because you smiled at a cat?”</p><p>Nathaniel swallowed against a wave of nausea.</p><p> “Correct. Rookie mistake. I just can’t resist their fuzzy little faces.”</p><p>A snort was his only reply. Ash got the car into drive and sped out of their parking space, over-taking cars as she went. Nathaniel braced himself against the door and tried his best not to throw up. </p><p>“Alright, big guy. Let’s get you to that nurse of yours, hm?” </p><p>As it were, Nathaniel was in no position to argue or even say that he was fine. He was, a concussion was nothing he wasn’t used to, but he found he didn’t have it in him to argue. Instead, he lent his head against the cool leather of the seat beneath him and shut his eyes. He knew he couldn’t go to sleep, but it didn’t stop him from pretending. </p><p>The whole way home, the man’s green eyes plagued him.</p><p>-</p><p>“You’ve got a concussion.”</p><p>Abby frowned at him. Nathaniel frowned back. Ever since Ash had dragged him in through the door, she had been following him around with a tiny torch and a portable first aid kit, glowering anytime he tried to insist that he was fine. </p><p>“I know I do. I informed you of it as soon as I walked in through the door.”</p><p>Walked was a bit of a stretch. He’d basically crawled in, informed her he had a concussion and promptly thrown up in a nearby waste-basket. He’d be embarrassed if she hadn’t already seen him at his very lowest.</p><p>“Just leave him be, Abby. If he’s bleeding anywhere you can follow the trail and patch him up once he’s passed out.”</p><p>Allison sent him a scornful look from where she was stretched out on Renee’s lap. The foxes had all arrived while they had been out and none of them had wasted any time on breaking out the alcohol. They were all scattered around the living room, nursing drinks and glancing at Nathaniel like he was a particularly mistrustful bomb that could go off at any given time.</p><p>Nathaniel sent her a sunny thumbs up, then winced at the pain in his side. </p><p>“Actually,” He said, regaining Abby’s attention. “Would you mind looking at my stitches? I think I might have pulled them.”</p><p>He pulled his shirt off when she nodded, ignoring the pointed looks they all exchanged. He had learned a long time ago that there was no room for modesty when you were injured; had learned it the hard way when he had nearly bled out in the middle of a briefing because he couldn’t get their nurse alone to check his injury out. </p><p>He sighed, leaning back on the couch and trying not to flinch as Abby poked and prodded at him. Across the room, Andrew was propped up against the wall with his arms folded across his chest. There was an invisible barrier around him, shadows cast across his sharp features. Everything about his posture basically screamed to stay away, yet nothing flickered across his blank expression. Honeyed eyes scanned Nathaniel’s body, but it was more of a cursory glance than anything else. Scanning for injuries, Nathaniel knew. </p><p>“So, uh.” Matt cleared his throat. “What’s with the tattoos?”</p><p>Nathaniel turned his eyes to him. Matt still looked weary. He was stiff and wouldn’t even look near Nathaniel, but he knew enough to know when an olive branch was being extended. He rubbed light fingers over his chest and arms, tracing the swirls of ink decorating them. </p><p>“I don’t know. They look cool?”</p><p>“Do they?” Aaron snorted, ignoring Katelyn when she swatted at his arm. </p><p>Nathaniel rolled his eyes, and patted Abby’s hand when she stepped away with a nod towards him. He decided to leave his shirt off to let the wound air, figuring that the others had already seen everything there was to see anyway. </p><p>“I don’t know.” He said, rubbing the tender spot on his head. “Some of them don’t mean anything. Others are a reminder of better times.”</p><p>He could practically feel Andrew’s eyes boring into him, but he refused to meet his gaze. He already knew that Andrew had seen the inked key that was nestled right above his heart and, even if none of the others knew it’s relevance, he knew that Andrew would. A part of him felt horribly exposed, like his actual heart was laid bare and bloody for the other man to see, but it was the least he owed him after everything. </p><p>“Nate.” Ashley spoke up from the desk in the corner. She had been frowning at Nathaniel’s laptop for the better part of an hour and the lines between her eyes didn’t fade any as she glanced up at him. “I need to go talk to Stuart and fill him in on this. Jared’s on his way down to keep an eye on things while I’m gone.”</p><p>Nathaniel was thankful that at least she wasn’t sending Alex in her in absence, but the implication that he couldn’t handle things on his own settled wrong. He frowned, opening his mouth to argue, but Ash simply made a short gesture at him that clearly said not to start, before closing the laptop over and exiting the room. Nathaniel bit back a sigh, reminding himself to ring Evan in the morning. </p><p>“Frosty.” Allison observed. </p><p>Nathaniel shot her a glare. </p><p>“Anything decent to drink around here? I’ve already been deemed unreliable for the night, may as well have some fun with it.”</p><p>“Neil-“ Abby started, but he shook his head at her. </p><p>“I’ll pace myself. Promise.”</p><p>She sighed, resigned. Nicky let out a little whoop and went into the kitchen to, hopefully, retrieve some alcohol. The others were eying him like he was a particularly interesting bug under a microscope, and it was beginning to feel a little unsettling. </p><p>“So. What were you doing before I showed up?” He asked, hoping for a distraction. </p><p>“I was trying to convince them to watch a movie with David and I.” Abby said.</p><p>Nathaniel watched as Wymack smiled at her and squeezed her hand. He looked happy; happier than Nathaniel could remember him looking even years ago when the foxes had been in their prime. There was a peacefulness in the lines of his face that suited him well. </p><p>“Of course that wasn’t going to happen.” Nicky chimed, coming out of the kitchen. He had a tumblr filled with amber liquid that he handed to Neil with a wink. “So, we were going to try our hand at some drinking games. Pretend we’re young things again.”</p><p>“Speak for yourself, Hemmick.” Dan grouched. </p><p>Nathaniel hid a smile. He had missed them, missed this with a ferocity that threatened to consume him. Even with the awful start to the day, he couldn’t help but lean into everything that the foxes were; even if it did seem wholly irresponsible. </p><p>“Okay.” He decided. “Count me in. What are we playing?”</p><p>They all settled on the floor around Wymack and Abby’s table. The other two had disappeared, presumably to watch the movie Abby had previously mentioned, while the group decided to play a game of truth or drink. Time slipped past quickly and Nathaniel found himself indulging in more drinks than he had previously anticipated, heady with the knowledge of being back in the folds of his old family members. He laughed more freely than he had in years, as drunk off the proximity of Andrew at his side as he was the whiskey in his glass. </p><p>“Okay, okay.” Nicky hiccuped and squinted at them all, smiling up at Erik when he rubbed gently on his bag. “Never have I ever fucked somebody on an Exy court.”</p><p>His eyes stayed on Kevin, who stuck his tongue out and took a sip of his drink.</p><p>“Predictable-“ Nicky started, before breaking off into a shrill squeak when he noticed both Andrew and Nathaniel also taking sips. </p><p>“Gross.” Aaron shuddered.</p><p>The others laughed loudly and Nicky pointed accusing fingers in their general direction. </p><p>“Details!” He demanded. “Andrew, you’ve been holding out on me!”</p><p>“Only always.” Andrew replied, brow arched. </p><p>Nathaniel hid another smile behind his glass. He was almost surprised at how much fun he was having, but there was a fuzziness in his head that suggested he had drank a bit too much and, given the circumstances, he couldn’t risk a hangover the next day. He drained the rest of his drink and set the glass on the table. </p><p>“Thanks for tonight, guys. Really. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun.” </p><p>“You’re bailing?” Matt asked. His lip jutted out in something like a pout and Nathaniel could help but send him a soft smile in return. </p><p>“Yeah. I shouldn’t have even drank the amount I already have. Technically, I’m supposed to be working.”</p><p>He went to stand, but Allison called his name and pointed down at the floor. Her eyes had a calculating gleam in them and Nathaniel could feel his hackles rise slightly. </p><p>“Wait.” She said, clearly not expecting him to refuse. Nathaniel sat. “Never have I ever disappeared out of thin air and left my entire team behind without so much as a note.”</p><p>The air left the room. Beside him, Nathaniel could feel Andrew tense. </p><p>This was it, then. All night he had been waiting for something like this to happen, for an invisible line to be crossed while he drank. It’s exactly why he had been sipping his first couple of drinks at a snails pace, but as the night had gone on and everyone had stuck to fairly innocent questions, he had let his guard down. Stupid. </p><p>“Allison-“ he started.</p><p>“No.” She replied fiercely, eyes shining. “We have a right to answers, Neil. We have a right to know why you abandoned us.”</p><p>He couldn’t do this. Already, he could feel the telltale signs of a panic attack edging on; flashes of too-small bodies laying motionless, of a cold warehouse, and that ever-present feeling of helplessness invading him. He took a deep breath, clenching his eyes shut as he dug his nails into his arm. </p><p>“I can’t.” He whispered. “I wish I could. I do. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Not good enough.” Allison shot back. </p><p>Not good enough. Never good enough. Always too late. </p><p>Nathaniel could feel the acid beginning to crawl up his throat. He tried to take a breath, but it got stuck in his chest. He could feel a firm hand wrap around the back of his neck, a firm voice whispering in his ear but, for once, it wasn’t enough. </p><p>“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. My therapist-“</p><p>“What the fuck is going on in here?” </p><p>The main light blinked on and Nathaniel could hear the foxes all groan at the suddenness of it. Jared was in front of him in a heartbeat, pulling his hand away from his arm. He could feel wetness against his fingernails and winced, knowing for certain that Ash would give him hell about this tomorrow. </p><p>Jared forced Nathaniel’s chin up, two firm hands cupped around his face. </p><p>“Look at me, Nate. You’re here, in Palmetto. You’re not there any more. It’s over.” His cousin said firmly, forcing Nathaniel to make eye contact with him. </p><p>Something too twisted to be a laugh squeezed its way out of his chest. He didn’t know how to tell Jared that it wasn’t over; that it would never be over. That every time he closed his eyes at night, all he could see was- </p><p>“I’m going to be sick.”</p><p>Jared reached across from him and grabbed one of the empty ice buckets the had been using for the bottles. He propped it under Nathaniel’s chin, rubbing his back as the drinks he had consumed tonight came back up again. He could feel wetness against his cheeks and wasn’t entirely sure that it was due to his gag-reflex being triggered.</p><p>“Shhh.” Jared’s voice rumbled somewhere close by. “It’s okay. You’re okay, Nate.”</p><p>He sounded like he was soothing a scared child. </p><p>Nathaniel reared back, wiping his arm against his mouth. He pulled back slightly from his cousins touch who, in turn, held his hands up in the air where they could be seen and took a large step back. His face was creased with concern and Nathaniel felt his stomach churn again, this time not because he thought he was going to be sick. </p><p>“Sorry.” He felt the need to say again. “I’m just really fucking sorry.”</p><p>He glanced towards his former friends. They were spread out around the room again, varying looks of horror on their faces. He laughed, wondering why he had expected a different reaction. He didn’t bother to look near Andrew, almost afraid of what he might see laying under the surface of his expressionless mask. </p><p>“Come on.” Jared said, pointing towards the kitchen. “I think you’re done for the night.”</p><p>Wasn’t that the truth? He followed Jared into the kitchen without argument, slumping down into one of the chairs at the table and bracketed his head against his forearms. </p><p>Jared didn’t say anything, and there was an unnerving silence from the living room. Nathaniel swallowed against the lump of shame in his throat, feeling miserable and every bit the pathetic mess he was. </p><p>“I’m so fucked up.” He whispered. </p><p>Close by, closer than Nathaniel had realised, Jared snorted. He started, glancing towards his cousin in surprise. A cup of coffee sat in front of him, another glass of water beside it. Jared nudged them both towards him, nodding. </p><p>“We’re all a little fucked up, Nate. Nature of the trade. Drink those up, they’ll make you feel a little better.”</p><p>Nathaniel did as he was told. The coffee was bordering on cold when he took a sip, and he wondered half-heartedly how long he had been zoned out for. Jared tipped back on his chair a little, seemingly deliberating on something, before his eyes snapped back to Nathaniel. </p><p>“You know, after dad died I didn’t things would ever get better.” He said softly. </p><p>Nathaniel froze. “Jared, you don’t have to-“</p><p>“Shut up, let me talk. Everything was so messed up back then, and I was angry- god, I was so angry. Angry at the world, angry at you-“ he trailed off, lost in thought. “It took me a long time to understand that what happened wasn’t your fault, Nate. I don’t blame you, and I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that.”</p><p>Nathaniel was struggling to breathe again. He squeezed his eyes shut and fought against the growing images in his head. Sometimes, on the worst nights, he was half-convinced the insides of his eyelids were stained crimson with all the bloodshed he had seen in his life. </p><p>“We thought you were getting better, you know? But I guess growing up like you did, with the people that you did, you’re just really fucking good at pushing the bad stuff down.” </p><p>Fingers touched his own cold skin. He forced his eyes open and almost flinched at the knowing look Jared was giving him. He hated being so seen, so known. It went against every single instinct he knew, even now. </p><p>“I’m okay.” He whispered. “Most days I’m okay. It’s just here, with them-“</p><p>“You don’t need to explain, Nate. Phone Sheila in the morning, talk to her. God knows she’s been griping at Stuart for weeks now about your missed appointments.” </p><p>Jared squeezed his fingers once, before pulling away to stand. </p><p>“Drink those.” He gestured towards the drinks. “And get some sleep. You’ve got work in the morning and a headache on top of everything else isn’t going to help anything.”</p><p>Nathaniel nodded, clutching the coffee cup closer to him. He watched Jared’s retreating form, almost losing his nerve before asking; </p><p>“Should I phone Evan tomorrow? I asked Ash, but-“</p><p>Jared’s shoulders stiffened, but he paused in the doorway. He was silent for a moment, deliberating his reply. </p><p>“I think he would really like that.” He said eventually, then left. </p><p>Nathaniel sat there for a long time, staring out the window. His mind was blissfully blank, likely a side effect from not only the concussion, but the sheer amount of suppressed emotions he had flitted through throughout the night. He couldn’t find it in him to complain. </p><p>Eventually, as it always did, sleep came. The memories came with it, as they also always did, but he was too tired to care tonight. </p><p>-</p><p>Around an hour after Neil left the room, Allison paced. </p><p>The others were silent. She could feel their judgement, their anger. She didn’t bother to defend herself; after seeing Neil basically claw his own skin off, face blank and lost in some no-doubt horrible memory, even she didn’t think she had the right. </p><p>The kitchen door opened and, after a brief hesitation, Neil’s cousin exited it. He glared at each one of them, anger radiating off him in waves. </p><p>“I don’t know who started this, but no more.” He said, voice perfectly controlled but glacial. “He’s already way in over his head with taking this job on. We warned Stuart, but even he couldn’t over-turn lord Ichirou, so here we are.”</p><p>Allison felt another stab of guilt, deep in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know if she should stand forward and admit her part in all of it, wasn’t sure if it would even make a difference to this guy. He seemed to already dislike each one of them on principle. </p><p>“You are asking for answers he isn’t ready to give. Frankly, I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to.<br/>
His leaving hurt you, I understand this too, but he is here to do a job and by dragging him through things of the past the only thing you’re doing is hurting Mr Day’s chances of protection.”</p><p>“Make no mistake; Nathaniel is the best we have, which is why he was assigned to you, but this entire job is a double-edged sword. He would burn the world to protect any single one of you, even at his own detriment.”</p><p>He glanced at every single one of them, harsh features softening into something more human. Grief, Allison realised. He looked like he was grieving for someone who was still very much alive and in the next room over. </p><p>“So, please.” He continued. “Don’t make it so that he has to destroy himself in order to keep you alive. I’m afraid there won’t be enough pieces to put him together next time.”</p><p>He left them after that, seemingly taking all possible words with him. They all glanced at each other silently, before picking their belongings up and making their way to the front door. Ubers had been called already and they had been assured that security would be trailing them. No one said goodbye, they didn’t seem to have it in them. As Andrew made to go upstairs, he bashed his arm against Allison’s and gave her a scathing glare. </p><p>Renee wrapped her fingers around Allison’s, tugging on her hand and giving her a sad smile. They were going home in their rental tonight, something of which Allison was fleetingly grateful for. She didn’t think she could stand any more unfamiliarity around her tonight. </p><p>“Come on.” Renee whispered. “It’ll be alright.”</p><p>Allison wished she could believe that.</p><p>“Worst Christmas Eve, ever.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor Neil. The plot is starting to unravel a little now and things will start to become clearer in upcoming chapters.</p><p>I’d love to know your thoughts on everything below! Thanks so much for reading!</p><p>-Leteel</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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